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“Ah, that makes sense. Are you going to tell me your pen name?”
“Only because you’re going to find out at the signing, anyhow.” As she searches my eyes, she presses her lips together. She must have found what she was looking for. She pulls in a deep breath and lets it out with a sigh. In a soft voice, she answers, “I write sports romance novels, mostly hockey, under the pseudonym of Autumn Knights.”
OH DAMN! Fuck me.
Her reply hit me hard, like a semi-truck hitting me, type of hard. I run my hands through my hair. I didn’t know how to respond. I joined the Knights in the Autumn after leaving Toronto. Did she just admit to carrying a part of me with her all these years? “Steph…” She holds her hand up, not letting me say anything.
“You want to hear something else coincidental? I’m the one in charge of setting up your marketing promotion and signing event at Owls. I had gotten an email with the agenda right after learning about this trip. I had no idea that you’d be here, on this cruise, though.”
“It was something my manager and agent worked out with the cruise line when rumors started about the author signing event. I’m doing a surprise set-up with free books. I’ll be signing and taking pictures with fans as promo for the launch. Let's hope it gets people talking. It will be Bradly’s job to capture the best moments in pictures and videos and then create and schedule the social media posts to share.”
“Eh, now this is something I know a lot about. I may need to have a conversation with Bradly about promotional content.”
Giving a quick smile, I’m already feeling the jealousy creeping in over her, possibly speaking with Bradly, over things they have in common. I want her attention on me, not another man. I try to stir the conversation back to her writing. “And how’s the writing been?”
Steph’s jovial mood quickly fades. “It’s been great until recently. I’ve been struggling a bit to keep up with the demand of the industry,” she shrugs, leaning back in her chair.
I’ve known Stephanie long enough to tell when she’s with-holding something.
“Some days I love it,” she says with confidence. “But others…” she trails off like there’s more to the story.
Wanting to remain respectful of her privacy but comfort her all the same, I reach across the table. “Want to talk about it?” I offer.
Lifting her eyes, I held her gaze as she sipped her drink. “I think I might be burned out on writing romance. It’s hard to write falling in love when you don’t remember what it was like to have those feelings, or you choose not to.”
Was she referring to me?
"A few years ago, I was in a long-term relationship that ended badly. For a little over four years, I was engaged to a man named Nick,” she explains, looking the most solemn I have ever seen her. “He umm,” she pauses, and the emotion I saw written on her face struck me hard. “Well, he left me for another woman after getting her pregnant. But, instead of admitting that upfront, he made a huge production of blaming my disability as being too much to deal with any longer,” she shares. "Everything was all my fault and he totally lost his shit going off on me. It really messed me up mentally." She admitted, turning my blood hot with anger.
What an asshole.I utter under my breath. Just the thought of someone hurting her like that has my chest tightening. Twisting and squeezing in pain, I knew all too well how it felt to be hurt by love. Unclenching my teeth, red pricks the backs of my eyes as I close them against the reminder. Dragging my hand over my mouth in order to keep my thoughts from slipping into words, all I knew was this Nick guy better hope I never cross him.
Knocking back another pull of her drink, Stephanie’s nose turned pink and her eyes became watery like she was about to cry.Taking a moment to simmer my boiling blood, I took a deep breath and exhaled before I replied as calmly as possible. “I’m sorry someone put you through that.”
“I’m getting used to it,” she whispered, looking up at me with sadness. “Everything happens for a reason. Right?” Her eyes search mine, and all I can think is how grateful I am that Nick guy let her go. Otherwise, I might not have been given this opportunity to make things right between us. We certainly wouldn’t have the chance to get to know each other again like this, I realize, taking her hand in mine.
Stroking her thumb, she smiles back at me, but this time it isn’t the same. Searching her eyes, my thoughts struggle to keep up.I need to give as much as she does.
“I was also engaged,” I reply, hoping to ease some of her discomfort.
Wetting her lips, they parted.“What happened?” she asks, her voice showing signs of cracking.
Treading lightly, her eyes locked on mine as I withdrew my hand. “She cheated on me,” I said. “Kim and I were opening a restaurant together when I caught her screwing the bartender we hired. Well, she hired,” I explained.
Softening with empathy, I saw sadness in her eyes. “What’d you do about it?” she asks, still concerned about my feelings after all this time.
Pushing the nachos aside with a frustrated sigh, I didn’t deserve her kindness after the pain I inflicted when I moved away.“Not much I could do but walk away when we found out she was pregnant with his child.”
Shaking her head, Stephanie whispered. “I meant about the restaurant.”
“Oh. I’d already put out the money. Since I couldn’t stay and run the place like we originally planned, I let her keep it and open as scheduled,” I shrug. “Once the restaurant opened, it only took Kim a few months before she bought back my shares.
“Did you take it?” Stephanie asks, her eyes lifting with wonder.
“I did. I wasn’t going to at first, but something about it felt wrong or petty. It almost felt like Kim needed me to. If that makes any sense?”
Stephanie nods with understanding. “It was her way of making things right with you.”
“I think so,” I whisper, but what I hadn’t told her was that after I walked out of the restaurant for the last time, I felt a sense of relief. Building the restaurant with Kim became suffocating. Everything had to be the way she wanted it to or else it turned into an argument. After I caught her all over Paul, it hurt at first - what a man wouldn’t be, knowing the girl he was with sought another man. But it quickly dawned on me that this was my easy out.
