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“And?” Icould see there was more.
“He asked if he could apologize to you in person…”
Ashock of terror rushed down my spine. “What? No. Please tell me you told him no.”
“Idid, of course Idid.” She hurried to reassure me.
“Thanks,” Isaid then added quickly, “None of them are coming, right? No one?”
“No one, Ispecifically told no one to come.” She hugged me as anew wave of tears crossed down my face.
When my sobbing subsided, Isaid, “Thomas was it for me. Ican’timagine being with anyone else, and Ican’timagine continuing our relationship either.”
“Idon’tdiscredit your feelings, and it really was ashitshow of anight.” She held me by the shoulders. “But, and Ibeg you to think this through before making any big decision, sleep on it, aday or two or aweek?”
“Fine,” Iagreed, too exhausted to argue with her.
She exhaled asigh of relief. “Good, good.”
We sat there in silence, me playing with apiece of lint from my shirt and Laura watching over me. The prolonged silence suited me, and Ikept twirling the fabric around my finger until Iheard her speaking again.
“By the way, Icharged your phone if you want it.” Her words rushed out of her, clearly nervous about my response. With good reason. The blood drained from my face at the thought of confronting Thomas, of running back to him because Imissed him.
And Itotally would’ve at the sound of his voice. Love didn’tbreak just because the head decided it was the right thing to do, and my heartbeat was ruined for Thomas. But my heart had failed me one too many times, and Ihad to stick with my head before Irushed into his arms again.
“Ifigured as much.” She scratched the back of her head at my reaction. “Thomas called earlier too. Wanted to check up on you. Isaid you were resting.”
“And?” Iasked warily, unable to curb my curiosity.
“Iasked him to give you space and he agreed. Said he’ll wait for you and support you no matter what.”
“He said that?” Iasked as if it should have surprised me, as if Ididn’tknow this side of Thomas already. How patient he’dalways been with me.
“He did.” She raised her eyebrows, hopeful. Iwished Icould share that sentiment. “Are you ready to talk to him?”
“Laura, please, Ijust… Ihave to think, and Ican’tthink right now, and Iwouldn’tbe able to think when Ihear his v—vo—”
The damn tears got to me again, and Iwondered if every mention of him from now on would tear at me like this until there would be nothing left. Ididn’twant this to be agoodbye, and Ididn’tsee any way to resolve it.
My friend looked helpless at my crying fits, and Ipushed through for her. Iwiped my eyes and regained my composure. “Iwould though, Iwould. Whatever Idecide, Iwon’trun away from him, Iwon’tdisappear.”
“Good. What else can Ido to help?”
At that moment of clarity Iremembered that besides being in arelationship we also worked together. “There is actually another thing. Ineed to email him, and Ican’tlook at the phone…not yet.” Ichewed the inside of my cheek so hard, struggling to finish afreaking sentence. “Help me?”
“Sure.” She walked to the kitchen counter and unplugged my phone from the charger. “Once I’mdone though, we’ll have agirls’ weekend where all activities will be restricted to eating cake and watching reality television.”
“I’dlike that.”
Isurrendered to the numbness as Itranscribed acold email to the man who was still very much the love of my life.
