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“No!” Icoughed, the whiskey burning my throat. “Idon’tdiscuss the women I’ve been with because Irespect them. Just because I’mnot looking for aromantic relationship with them, doesn’tmean I’mgoing to parade them around like conquests.”
“I’mnot talking about them. I’mtalking about her.” Completely unaffected, he continued, “You like her.”
Silence.
“Fine, don’tsay anything. Iknow enough to like her myself.” Zach, who was accustomed to my silences, went on, “What about your parents? How are they?”
“No idea.” Ifeigned disinterest while my stomach got tied in knots at the mention of them. Out of all the things we joked about, we never did about my parents. Especially since Ididn’tlike being reminded of them. “Ihaven’tcalled them.”
“What the—?” He tossed his sunglasses, aiming for the table when they dropped to the floor with aloud clunk. He didn’tbother to pick them up. “What the actual fuck, Thomas? And they know you’re fucking here; everyone Iknow talked about you coming back.”
“Drop it,” Iwarned.
“No, I’mnot going to drop it. I’ve taken your side for the past fifteen years, but Ican’tdo it anymore.” He cleared his throat, yet again preparing himself for aspeech. “Here’sahard truth for you. You’re not eighteen anymore, so grow the fuck up.”
The more he got himself riled up, the more he used the Fword. “Don’teven think about giving me bullshit excuses either. You need to pick up that phone.”
“Idon’tneed to see people who never wanted me as their kid.” Iplaced my glass on the table next to his. “I’monly giving them what they want by staying away.”
“People change. You should know.” Zach gave me aknowing look. “I, unlike you, saw them throughout the years at charity events, the theater, Idon’tknow the fuck where else, and every time they asked for you. Your mom even cried once. They’re not the same people you left.”
Icringed at the thought of them having to suffer through more pain because of me. They had their share of that. “I’msorry you were caught in the middle of it.”
“I’mabig boy, Ican handle it. You, on the other hand, need to stop making this awkward for everyone, grow apair, and give your mother acall.”
“Iwill.” Inodded after considering the grief Iput him through while Isoul searched myself in another continent. “Iwill.”
Ireplayed Zach’swords in my head long after he left, going back and forth on calling my parents. It shouldn’thave been that hard of atask, aswipe on the phone, dialing, saying hi.
What was nothing for another person, meant moving amountain for me.
Zach reassured me they missed me, that Iwouldn’tencounter the cold people they once were, and with that Idecided to go for it, to rip off the Band-Aid and just do it.
My heart had never hammered as wildly in my chest as it did while Iwaited for them to answer. By the third ring Icouldn’ttake it anymore and moved my finger to press theendbutton when my mother’svoice echoed on the other line.
“Cooke residence, hello. To whom am Ispeaking?” she asked, not recognizing the number on the caller ID, the number Ichanged to when Ileft home.
My knees buckled at the sound of her voice, betraying my balance. Fifteen years of estrangement, and Iwas still the child who needed the approval of his mother.
“Hi, Mother, it’sme.”
“Thomas?” Her voice cracked. “Thomas, is that you?”
“Yeah, it’sme. I’mback home.”
“That’sincredible!” She withdrew from the phone and sniffled. “How are you? When did you return?”
From what Zach said, Ihad asense she knew. Iappreciated her asking it that way instead of asking why Ihadn’tcalled earlier. “Almost two months ago.”
“And you’re still here.” Iheard her smile.
“Still here for the next year, working at the university.”
“Wonderful, wonderful.” After abrief silence, she asked, “It might be too soon, but can we expect to see you?”
The knot in my stomach loosened with her visible warmth, one Ihadn’tfelt before. Amotherly warmth. “I, uh, don’tknow?”
“If you’re willing to see us, we’dtake any day, even today.”
