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Idid my best and Ifailed to convey the message.
“To conform to other people’sstandards?” She turned to fully face me, frowning. “What’saright pathanyway? It’seither nonexistent or ever changing and the beauty is that you get to choose it. You and no one else.”
Her thoughts were verbalized in arapid speed, blocking me from interrupting her. Iloved that reaction; it meant Idid something right, that she wasn’tso scared anymore.
“So, Thomas, to answer your question, no, guidance isn’tneeded, it’sasked for. If someone’sinterested in it.”
And now Ifelt like she hated my guts again. My hand rubbed my face in frustration, muttering, “Blyat.”
“I—uh—sorry, what?”
“Blyat. It’saswear word in Russian. Likefuck.”
“First of all, what? You swear?” Her expression softened from the surprise.
“Irefuse to confirm or deny it.” My tension eased when Irealized we were treading on safe ground. “Two?”
“Okay…” She inspected me carefully. “Anyway, two, if anyone should be frustrated it’sme, so why did you say this, how do you pronounce it?”
“Blyat,” Irepeated slowly.
“Bliiyyat.”
“Close enough.”
“Ugh, you’re such aperfectionist,” she continued when Ididn’tcorrect her. Ireally was. “Are you avoiding?”
“Avoiding what?” Ialready forgot with theblyattalk. Oh, right, why Iblyat-ed. “I’mnot frustrated and after the past month, Ifigured you’dunderstand I’mnot trying to force you or Deidra to do anything. I’mintrigued.”
“By what?”
Saying she intrigued me would’ve come off wrong, especially since she didn’t, not like that. “By what you’re doing here.”
She tilted her head. “Here as your assistant?”
“Here as in studying to be an art teacher. It’san odd choice for an artist with the passion you have for painting. Sure no one encouraged you to go down this path?”
“You read about me.” She stayed in place, hands on her hips.
“Ireceived your CV, naturally.” Istuck my hands in my jean pockets, acting casual when Iadded, “And Isaw how you work, with Deidra. You throw yourself into her, all in.”
She tapped the brush lightly on her arm. “What sort of life would you have for her? My Deidra?”
The abrupt change of subject threw me off, but at least we weren’tdiscussing me watching her. “Is this atrap?”
“No, not atrap.” She tucked aloose strand of hair behind her ear. “I’mcurious, just like you. You haven’tsaid anything except for your dislike of the colors.”
“Right, then, and please don’ttear me down for it.” Ilowered my chin waiting for her approval until she raised her right hand, asilentIswear. “I’msticking to my structure idea, even without ahuman guide.”
Iobserved the painting, calculating every word. “Think of it like this, even the aerialists in the circus have safety nets to catch them when they fall.”
She stared at me, her eyes large, mild wrinkles forming on her smooth forehead. Her gaze held me captive, lost. The light brown specks in her eyes gleamed like little stars, hypnotizing.
Breathe in. Breathe out. She needs you to be her friend, just her friend.
“All in all, though, Ilike the idea, and even the colors make sense with your explanation.” This felt good, this felt friendly. “I’dlike for you to explain it to me more, but for now we have work to do.”
“Okay.” Her eyes never lost their enthusiasm as she grabbed her bag and headed out.
For the first time, Erin was excited about awork meeting, and Ihoped the same excitement remained throughout. Ihoped she’dstay later if Iasked her.
For research purposes. Only for research.
