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‘You are ready,’ he said.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘A good observation, though I suppose I should be grateful that you did not ask if I was ready, which would imply that perhaps I did not appear to be so.’
‘You appear more than ready to steal all of the attention at the ball.’
‘How lovely for me. And what shall I do with the attention?’
‘Allow yourself to bathe in the envy of others,’ he said, his voice low, and rich. Rolling over her skin. ‘For how often does one get to be the fixation of every man in a room, and the focal point of the fury of every woman?’
‘I can say certainly that I have never.’
She felt as if he had just given her a compliment, but she also felt like she was trembling, so it was difficult to linger on the good feeling for too long.
‘But isn’t that just more fantasy? Imagining what it is others think?’
‘Do you have something against fantasy?’
‘Perhaps I am simply tired of it, because it is all I’ve ever had.’ She wasn’t hungry for more fantasy, she wanted real.
She wanted more of those moments she’d had with him before. Real and raw. Pleasure and pain. Physical. Not gauzy, sweet dreams.
But she did not know if he would ever touch her like that again.
It made her despair. She didn’t want despair, not tonight.
She didn’t want to dwell on what could be, or what might not be.
She wanted to live.
They made their way out of the house and down to the carriage. He, rather than his footman, opened the door for her. When they were ensconced inside, she felt as if all the air had been taken from her lungs. Being this close to him was... It was difficult. It created a tangle of desires inside her, and she felt beset by them.
‘When I was a girl, all I could do was dream.’
‘Tonight is not a dream,’ he said. ‘Tonight is very real.’
‘You will dance with me?’
‘I will share a dance with you.’
‘No,’ she said, firm. ‘I have dreamt of this all of my life. I wanted to go to a ball and have a handsome man see me from across the room and know that his life would never be complete if he did not cross that space and take me into his arms. I will never have that. I have known that for a time now. I knew it even when I thought I was contriving to set myself up to marry James. I have had to let that go. But I ask you... I beg you... Please, give me this. If you can give me nothing else.’
She felt vaguely foolish, begging like this. But this was her life, her life. And everyone around her was making these decisions for her and she had tried to claim her freedom, and she had not been successful.
So if she had to beg to get what she wanted tonight, then she would.
‘As many dances as you wish,’ he said, his voice rough. And it sent a thrill through her body.
It was as if he ca
red.
And that made her hope.
* * *
When they arrived, they were swept into a glittering ballroom, replete with frescoes of cherubs, not half so lovely as the ones at Maynard Park. Nor as scandalous as the ones at Bybee House.
But they were nice all the same.
