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He reaches for my hand and links his fingers with mine. While staring deep into my eyes, he makes circles in my palm with his thumb.
“A part of learning to adapt is knowing when to move forward. I’m asking you to take these steps with me. I can’t mend what I’ve broken if you continue to point at the smoking gun in my hand.”
“I’m not the one who pulled the trigger. You did, you killed me and left the body.”
He swallows hard and tightens his finger against mine. “And then turned around and fell on my own sword and have been bleeding out since. Baby, I’m trying to stitch us both back together.”
I blink back the tears and drop my eyes to the table. “I know,” I say through trembling lips. “I know, but I need you to understand this will take time. And even then, I can’t promise I’ll get there.”
He closes his eyes and nods. When he opens them again, he brings our joined hands to his lips. I bite down on my lip, closing my eyes as I try to breathe.
“I love you, Chloe. I’ll walk through fire to get to you. I’m not giving up on us.”
I say nothing, because a part of me wants him to make good on that promise, while another part of me is deathly afraid he will. One of the ribbons tied around my heart loosens and floats away, taking with it my tight hold on the resentment I have.
* * *
Gregor
I stand with one leg crossed over the other as I lean in the threshold of the living area of my Dubai home. I have a glass of brandy in my hand as I watch Cee with my daughter in her lap. Her bare back is exposed in the black dress she’s wearing, I’ve admired the view all night, every chance I got, but that’s not what has me mesmerized at the moment.
What has my attention is how Cee has opened her heart to my small human, the reminder of what we’ve lost. The sight both warms my heart and fills me with so much anger and sorrow. I wish I could remember that night.
If I could remember the moment I consciously decided to betray my soul, I’d take accountability for my choice and man up to step away from Chloe once and for all. However, I don’t remember and that’s killing me as I stand here.
It’s taking everything in me not to demand Cee forgive me so we can move to the next phase of our lives. The part where I make love to her, and we create a new life to love together and cherish.
I look down into my glass. Nothing can replace the life we lost. I don’t think there will be a time when I forgive myself for what Cee had to do.
“Daddy, play with us,” Chloe squeals as she looks over Cee’s shoulder.
When we returned from our date, Chloe was still wide awake. She ran straight for Cee and dragged her to sit and play with her and her dolls. I give a tight grin as Cee’s shoulders stiffen.
Yet the dominant part of me who wants to claim what’s his forces my feet to move. I took my shoes and socks off before pouring myself a drink. Now I pad barefoot over to the two loves of my life.
Cee looks up at me. So many emotions swim in her eyes. I lower to sit behind her, caging her and Chloe between my legs. I can’t help myself. The pull is there.
I wrap my arms around Cee and hold her against my chest. Placing a kiss on the top of her head, I then rest my chin on the spot I kissed as I sway with her in my arms.
I close my eyes when she sinks into me, and her body relaxes. I open my eyes when I feel Chloe’s tiny arms reach between us to go around Cee’s neck. I release a relieved breath because this feels right. For the first time since the plane landed in Dubai, I breathe freely. I have my world in my arms.
“Trust me,” I whisper.
I think that’s the last straw because Cee’s body starts to shake, and she breaks down sobbing. I tighten my hold and keep rocking.
“I love you, baby. I love you so much,” I breathe the words like a promise to heal all I’ve broken.
