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“Don’t tell me you were selling your body,” I try to joke.
It’s my way of dealing with pain when it’s too much to bear. This… this is becoming too much. I’m crumbling as I sit here.
“Pretty damn close,” he says, disdain coloring his words. “I went to one of those sperm banks. I was desperate. I hadn’t eaten in days. Clay was doing well in the States, but I was still hustling to get things done on my end.
“All of my funds went to looking the part to make deals happen. Food was an afterthought. I wasn’t about to tell my little brother I was failing and starving.”
“Oh,” I breathe, my heart aching even more.
The thought of him having more children out there threatens to implode my chest. I start to rock myself and he rocks with me. It’s more soothing than I want to admit.
“I caught a break not long after that. Now that I think about it, Addison was one of my first hires. I was focused. I did everything I needed to do to get my life on track.
“But it haunted me that I had to do the things I did. I contacted the bank I’d gone to, praying I was never picked as a donor. I didn’t try to make myself sound too flattering on the questionnaire.
“Just so happens, I was never picked. I paid them a nice sum to make sure it was all destroyed. I’m telling you this so you understand. I… I never meant to have a child with anyone.
“I wouldn’t even date for the first few years. Addison… she… she caught me on a bad night. Your birthday was a few days before and I was going crazy missing you.
“I had made my mark. I had enough money to take care of you. I just wanted to hold you in my arms, but I made that fucking promise. I had a few drinks and at the time… I just needed to hold someone.” He pauses.
I don’t speak. I can’t. I don’t know if I want to hear this, but I feel like I need to.
“I should have ended it after that first time. I let her know I wasn’t looking for more than what it was. Things changed… she changed. I saw it becoming a problem, so I started to create distance.
“That wasn’t enough, she didn’t respect my boundaries. She… I had transferred her here. A few months passed and I found out about the baby. I didn’t believe her at first.
“I hadn’t touched her or so I thought. When I found out Chloe was mine, I felt like I hit a new low. I hadn’t planned to get married or have a family if it wasn’t with you.
“My name is Clooney Gregor Hennessey Jr. Brodi is my nickname. Clay couldn’t say Gregor when he was little, so he called me Brodi. I never lied. When we met, everyone close to me called me by that name,” he says, releasing a long sigh.
“Did you love her?”
“Have you heard a word I’ve said? Addison was manipulative and drove me insane. I didn’t even know she was sick. I found out in the hospital as she lay there dying. If it didn’t involve my daughter, I didn’t interact with her,” he replies.
“Tell me about her,” I say like a glutton for punishment.
“Addison?”
“No, Chloe.”
* * *
Gregor
Hope bloomed when Cee asked about my little girl. I’ve been rambling about her since. I’ve told her everything I know about my chubby little angel.
When I notice how silent she’s become, I stop. I chide myself for going on and on. This can’t be easy for her.
“Please tell me where to start? I was prepared for a different battle, baby. I’m still here to fight for you, but I’m drowning in figuring out how,” I breathe.
She’s silent still. I hold my breath waiting for her reply. I look down to make sure she’s not sleeping. She’s staring at her hands.
“I honestly don’t think you can. At least, I don’t know what or how to tell you. You want me, Brodi, figure it out. You did this. You fix it,” she finally says.
“Challenge excepted, Cee. I just need you to be willing to let me try,” I murmur.
“Yeah, I’ll think about that.”
“That’s all I’m asking.”
