Page 9 of Heart Throb

GRIFFIN

Isuspect what’s wrong with Camilla pretty quick. Or at least I assume I know what the problem is. She doesn’t distance herself from me or give me the cold shoulder, but there’s a change in her demeanor that’s immediate. I have to admit that I wasn’t expecting it.

On Friday, there is a break in her busy schedule while the two of us attend her father’s sentencing hearing. She dons a black dress and a pair of kitten heels that have probably never been in style. There are bags under her eyes, but I’ve never seen her wear a stitch of makeup. I think it’s because she doesn’t own any. But to be fair, she doesn’t need it.

I pull on a button-up and my nicest pair of jeans. It’s only a hearing, not a funeral. I’ll give Anthony the respect he deserves, but I won’t walk in wearing all black like he’s dead.

“Are you ready?” I ask Camilla when I step into the living room.

She looks over from the window and nods her head. She’s been quiet these last few days, contemplative. I always catch her looking off into the distance. Whenever I try to engage her in conversation, she shuts down.

I get her into the car and start driving toward town. Ever since that night on the way back from the Castle Creek Golf Course, I am bowled over by memories of our coupling every time I drive somewhere; today is no different. “I’ve been thinking, Camilla, and it’s been a few weeks since your father was initially charged and I think you’re mostly out of danger.”

She prickles. I can see it in the way her shoulders straighten and the sharp intake of her breath. “Yeah,” Camilla mumbles, “I guess I am.”

I push her a little further. Some days I have nothing better to do than twiddle my thumbs and think about the future, imagine where it might end up, and who might end up there with me. “So I was thinking I might move back to my place. It’s not as close to town, but it’s a little bigger, a little more spacious. I, uh, I have an extra car. I think I need to get it in to see a mechanic though. It’s got some transmission issues and I wouldn’t want you to have to worry about those after a shift at the golf course, especially mid-winter.”

A look of confusion, a furrow of her brow. Camilla turns her head in my direction just slightly. “Why would your transmission issues be my problem?”

“Well,” I draw out the word, “I’ve been thinking about it. I looked into it, spoke to the manager of the trailer park, did some digging. You’re only paying space rent, which means your father somehow paid off that trailer. I figure if you sell it, that’d be a nice little nest egg. If you moved in with me, that could bring down your bills exponentially. I’m already paying for gas, electric, and all that shit, so maybe you just kick in a couple hundred a month and we call it even.”

I can’t see her face with my eyes on the road, but I can feel the tension in the car start to rise. I was worried this would happen, so I start to ramble. “It’s just something I’ve been considering. For starters, it’ll help you save money, both from the sale of the trailer and from what you were paying in bills from your dad’s incarceration.” She doesn’t open her mouth to cut me off, so I keep going. “I’ve got a couple of different bedrooms you can choose from. Or you could live in the basement if you wanted, but there are no windows down there and when it rains, sometimes the back room smells weird. But you’re really close to the laundry, so that’s a plus.”

“Grif,” she finally sighs, “why are you doing this? It was just sex. You don’t have to do this.”

It hurts me to hear her call it just sex, but I grit my teeth and overlook that part. “I just think this is an opportunity for you to maybe get rid of the morning job, you know? You could just work at the bookstore on the weekends and the golf course in the afternoons. You could have your mornings to yourself. That wouldn’t be so bad, right? You’d be saving most of your money living with me and by next fall, you could go to Bourbon Peak University. Everything you’ve been looking forward to can happen. We can speed up the timeline, Camilla.”

It’s hard to read her emotions when I’m driving, even harder when she’s silent. But I can see her fingers start to tap against one another in a fidgeting movement. “This isn’t what you want,” Camilla says in a hoarse whisper. “You don’t want to take me in. You don’t want to take care of me.”

But I do. I want to take care of her and so much more. I want to watch her thrive in a new environment. I want to see how she blossoms in college. I want to see her take care of other people one day when her dreams of being a social worker finally come true. This isn’t just about taking care of her now, it’s about taking care of her for the rest of our lives. “Camilla, people fall in love every day, but I stumbled into it. I was visiting your dad and he told me to watch out for you. He was worried that his guys would come after you to get back at him. So I showed up at your place and there you were, a little spitfire who would have fought a whole army if she had to. And I knew right then and there that I’d come across someone special. You were this girl I’d spent so much of my life trying to avoid and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. Because you were strong and funny and beautiful and smart. And thinking about returning to the boring little life I had before you sounds like hell unless I bring you with me.”

“Grif, my life is complicated. It’s not that simple. I can’t just—”

I don’t mean to cut her off out of disrespect, but I don’t want to hear the excuses. “It’s not that complicated, baby. After the hearing, we go home, we pack up, and we go back to my place. In the coming weeks, we hand your place off to a realtor and he sells it. It’s actually that simple. We live together and we live happily ever after. It’s not hard.”

Her bottom lip starts to quiver as we pull into the courthouse parking lot. “What if it doesn’t sell though?” She stutters. “What if you and I don’t work out? What if I don’t get into college? What if—”

“Everybody has what if’s, Camilla. We could do all this, have great results, get married, and still wind up getting divorced in ten years.” I shut off the car and turn to face her. “Everything is a risk. You just have to decide if it’s worth the time and effort you’re willing to put into it. Am I worth it? Am I worth a shot?”

I have to remember that she’s eighteen. Big life decisions that she makes now might not mean the same thing to her in a few years or even a few months. But Camilla is an adult now. She’s all on her own and she’s grown up in a harsh world. She reaches across the divide to cup my cheek in the same way she did just a few nights ago.

We sit there in silence for a few moments, her hand on my cheek and our eyes meeting one another. I expect her to tell me that she simply can’t do this, that it goes beyond her capabilities. But Camilla surprises me as she always does. “I am broken, Griffin. You’d have better luck picking a random woman off the streets than you would with me. But if you’re determined to try, then what can I say except yes?”

I could scoop her up in my arms right now and swing her around, except we’re in a car. So I lean into her hand and close my eyes. “I want to give you the world, Camilla, but I’ll settle for a home. And if you ever get tired of me, just tell me. You’re always free to go. I promise. You’ll never be a caged bird with me.”

I feel her lips brush across mine and I have to resist the urge to take her right here and now in the courthouse parking lot. “I know, Griffin, I think that’s why I’ve fallen so easily for you. Not stumbled, like you, but really, truly fallen. You came into my home and without pushing or urging me, you opened my heart to you. You’ve made my life easier and more palatable. You’ve made me look forward to coming home. You’ve made me look forward to seeing you. I’ve never had that before. I’ve never had someone like you before. I’m scared, but be patient with me, because I’m coming around.”

It isn’t a big declaration of love, but it’s the next best thing. This beautiful young woman is on the path to feeling for me the way I feel for her. And honestly, what more could I ask for?