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Hannah expelled a sigh. ‘You said that. I heard you. It doesn’t make sense, though.’
His frown deepened. ‘For four years I have been able to resist any woman in the world. For four years I have been single, and then you...’
Hannah was quiet as his words ran through her mind and their meaning became clear. ‘You mean you hadn’t been with anyone since Amy died?’
His expression was shuttered. He shook his head, his lips a grim line in his face. ‘No.’
Hannah’s chest hurt, as if it had been sliced in half and cut wide open. ‘Why not?’
His nostrils flared. ‘Many reasons.’ His hand lifted to her hair again, toying with the ends. ‘I enjoyed resisting temptation, choosing to be celibate, to be alone. And then I saw you and it was just like this. As though you are some kind of angel—or devil—sent to tempt me even when I know how wrong this is. I spent four years flexing my power here and you take it away from me completely.’
Hannah’s voice was thick; she didn’t know if she was flattered or insulted. She suspected a bit of both. ‘Why is it wrong?’
He pushed up to standing then, just as he had the night before when she’d touched on areas he preferred not to discuss.
But she wasn’t going to let him get away with it twice. ‘I’m serious, Leonidas. Why is this wrong?’
CHAPTER EIGHT
SHE WAITED AND WAITED and after a moment, she wondered if he wasn’t going to answer her. He simply stood there, naked as the day he was born, staring out to sea, and she moved towards him, coming around in front of him so she could look up into his stubborn face.
‘I don’t know much about sex,’ she said slowly, when he remained silent. ‘But I do know that I want to feel more of this.’ She gestured from him to her. ‘I do know this is amazing and hot and incredibly addictive.’
He ground his teeth together, the action making his jaw tight, his expression grim. ‘That night shouldn’t have happened.’
Hannah shook her head, rejecting bot
h the words and the sentiment. ‘Neither of us planned that it would, just like we didn’t plan for this to happen, but that doesn’t mean it was wrong.’
He looked at her then, his expression impossible to interpret. ‘You are so young.’
He said it as though it were a criticism.
‘I’m twenty-three.’
‘Yes, but you’ve been very sheltered.’ He cupped her face then. ‘You deserve better than this.’
‘Than marriage to you?’
‘Better than a lifetime with me.’ His lips were grim. ‘I’m not the man you want me to be.’
‘And what do I want you to be?’
He expelled a soft breath then stepped back a little, just enough to put some distance between them. ‘A clean slate.’
The words were strange. Discordant. At first, she couldn’t make sense of them. But as he turned and pulled his shorts on, she saw the weight on his shoulders, the ghosts that chased him, and comprehension shifted through her.
‘You’re wrong.’ She dropped the words like little, tiny bombs. He didn’t turn around, but he froze completely still, so she knew he was listening. ‘I know you have a past, just like I do. But I’m not going to marry you if you’re telling me I’m going to be living with a brick wall. I’m not getting married if I think there’s no hope of having a living, breathing, red-blooded man as my husband.’
He turned around then, his expression bleak at first, and then filling with frustration. ‘And sex ticks that box for you?’
Hannah frowned. That hadn’t been what she’d meant, but at the same time she knew it was a start. What they shared, physically, was a true form of intimacy. She didn’t need to have loads of experience to recognise that. She could see it in his eyes when he held her. She could feel the uniqueness of what they shared. He was trying to fight it, and she knew why.
Intimacy like this must surely lead to more.
With Angus, she’d operated on the reverse assumption. She’d hoped their friendship would bridge the way to a satisfying physical relationship. And it might have, but it would never have been like this.
Nothing like it.
