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CHAPTER 18
The situation was gettingmore desperate.
Avery could tell by the sense of urgency that constantly dogged her, the vivid dreams that floated through her sleep. She hated the fear she felt—for her sister.
Even now, on the way to work, she could barely breathe around the anxiety. She took a slow breath and flexed her fingers. She’d been gripping the steering wheel too hard, as she often did lately. When she paused at a red light, she took the opportunity to stretch her arms over her head and exhale slowly.
El Shaddai...Every time she felt this way, she simply prayed. Prayed that somehow, some way, Addisyn would escape from the downward swirl she was in. That she would cut all ties with Brian and break away from his evil influence. Most importantly, that she would come to know how much El Shaddai loved her.
And, on a selfish note, that Avery would see her again.
She’d never forget how much she’d cried the day that Brian had taken Addisyn away. She’d stood on the iron steps outside to watch them drive away, but once they were out of sight, she’d collapsed full-length on the cold tile in their apartment and sobbed until she started throwing up.
She could remember feeling so defeated. Defeated? The word seemed too weak. She’d saved Addisyn from their father, smuggled her to New York, prioritized her schooling, managed to keep her grounded, somehow, even in the middle of their insane life. She’d been two parents in one, juggling a medley of jobs, clipping coupons for cheap groceries, and still finding time to help Addisyn with her algebra homework when she entered tenth grade.
And then she found out, one horrible day, that all of that was for nothing—that in everything she’d done, she’d somehow missed the most important thing of all, the one thing that truly mattered. She hadn’t been able to teach Addisyn to love El Shaddai.
What had she done wrong? It wasn’t like she’d been blindsided. She’d seen trouble coming, glimpsed the darkness looming over Addisyn’s soul. She’d watched the light in her sister’s eyes gradually become submerged in pools of darkness.
The dreams had begun, vivid nightmares, warning Avery about impending danger. She’d talked with Addisyn. Poured gallons of prayer on her. And when she’d met Brian, she’d beseeched her sister to stay away from him—at all costs.
“He’s darkness, Addisyn.” She could vividly remember saying those words. She’d been ironing shirts one morning, Addisyn helping fold the rest of the laundry.
“Oh, Avery.” Addisyn had frowned and rolled her eyes. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little? Just because you don’t want me to grow up?”
Avery had turned and peered hard into her sister’s soul. That shadowy something was there, and fear contorted her insides. “Addisyn, this isn’t about that,” she’d said slowly. “I just—I just don’t feel right. It feels bad to me.”
Addisyn had huffed and slapped another folded garment on the stack. “You and your feelings and your dreams and your whatnot.” She must have seen the hurt look on her big sister’s face, because her voice softened. “Look, I know that you get lonely when I’m at these tournaments or practicing, and I’m sorry. But still—”
“Addisyn, this isn’t about me!” Thinking back, Avery winced, remembering how frustration had sharpened her tone. “This is about you and the choices you are making! You and your relationship with El Shaddai!”
“No, this is about you and your weirdness!” Addisyn had thrown down the next garment, marched toward Avery, shaking a finger. “You think you have all the answers. My wonderful big sister, dropped down from Heaven, knows everything in this life and the next.” Avery had never heard Addisyn give a sarcastic laugh like that before. “Well, this time you’re dead wrong. You don’t know what it’s like to be—to be—” her voice had blurred—“in love.”
“Addisyn, Brian is not—”
“Brian is a good guy!” Addisyn had sworn with all the passion of eighteen. “Don’t you dare say anything bad about Brian!”
“Ads—”
But Addisyn had turned and swept out of the room. “I’m not talking about this with you anymore!” she’d yelled. “And don’t ever call me Ads again!”
It was one of the last conversations they’d ever had.
Bleep!The car behind honked. Avery snapped back to life and realized the light had turned green. Apologetically she pulled through the intersection and stayed in the righthand lane as the impatient driver whizzed past.
As we lovingly speak the truth, we will grow up completely in our relationship to Christ, who is the head.When Avery had read Ephesians 4 the night before, those words seemed to leap from the page. Was that the problem? She had spoken the truth, certainly. But had she done so without enough grace, enough love, to season it?
Oh, if she could just see Addisyn one more time, tell her how sorry she was. Assure her that the love had always been there—but sometimes it had been lost in translation.
As if that would ever happen. Ads probably still hated her—deservedly so. Anyway, she was off chasing her dreams and never giving her childhood a second thought.
Right?
The question mark hung limply in Avery’s soul. WhatwasAddisyn doing these days?
Almost without thinking, she pulled over in the parking lot of a little restaurant on Elkhorn Avenue. She glanced at the clock on her dashboard. She still had time before work. Traffic was light today—odd for a Monday morning.
She could take a minute for some detective work.
