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Ray opened up his arm, wrapping me in a tight embrace. “She’s three. She won’t remember that Auntie Mila was late to the park because she was hungover.” Technically I would be Avery’s sister-in-law soon, but auntie was easier for her, and I didn’t care. Her sweet little way of saying my name made me smile every time.
“Ray!” I tried to push away from his squeeze, but he just held me tighter, hugging me until I laughed. “I am sorry though. My cell signal was crap this morning, so I couldn’t even respond to your texts.”
“I know. It’s okay.” He leaned away from me briefly to give Avery another push on the swing, before turning his face to the sky. I admired his strong profile, the cut of his jaw and his nose. He was so damn handsome and didn’t even realize it. “Our power has been off and on since last night too. I’m hoping the generator survives at least until June. I’m not looking forward to writing my exams by candlelight.”
I clapped my hands over my ears. “Don’t say that! That’s my worst nightmare.” Brownouts were becoming more and more common, giving us barely enough power to charge our phones or run a nightlight, but candlelight was just so… 1773.
Ray laughed, smiling at Avery as she joined in. “It’s only your worst nightmare because between you and Olivia, you’d burn your friggin' apartment down, babydoll.”
He wasn’t wrong. Especially once you threw homemade wine into the mix. “It’s just a lot to take in. Surreal. One minute we’re applying to universities, looking at dorms. Next thing we know… this.” I knew what people were calling it. The Collapse. We had overstretched ourselves, and now society was collapsing in on itself, all in less than four years.
“I know what you mean. I wasn’t expecting the whole family to cram into my apartment.” Ray’s mom, step-dad, and Avery had all moved into his small, one bedroom apartment after the cost of maintaining a whole house became too much. He nodded his chin toward the opposite side of the park. “We should probably get going.”
I followed his gaze toward a small group of guys about our age. They were all dressed similarly, in dark sweaters and jeans, and were headed toward an elderly couple returning from the grocery store. I knew what was going to happen next, and I didn’t want to see it. The worst part about people turning on each other was that there wasn’t much we could do, besides stand by and let it happen. Ray and I had to think about Avery, and two against five wasn’t exactly a fair fight.
So instead, you turned the other way and pretended not to see, even when the memories haunted your sleep.
“Fuck,” I murmured, turning the other way. Ray was already slowing the swing, telling Avery we were going home. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
“Do what?” Ray focused on Avery, pulling her hat further down her mop of hair, but I could see the attention he paid to the situation across the park. I heard one of the guys call out to the old woman, demanding her bag of groceries. Likely it was the only food the couple could afford for the next month. What would they eat if it was stolen?
“This. Life.” I sighed. “I don’t feel safe anywhere anymore, Ray. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. But this...” I gestured around the park, doing my best to ignore the old woman clutching her groceries to her chest. “This scares me.”
“Marry me.” I furrowed my brows and flashed him my left hand. “Way ahead of you.” What did that have to do with anything? He smiled gently, shaking his head and lifting Avery out of the swing. “Not in June, babydoll. Marry me tomorrow. I’ll keep you safe. I promise. I’ll always keep you safe. I know it’s backwards, but being married might be an extra layer of protection for you.”
I was quiet, thinking about his offer. I had no doubt Ray would keep me safe. I just wasn’t sure what lengths he would go to keep his word. I loved him, more than life itself, but was it worth it for him to risk himself, his family, for me?
Ray rested Avery on his hip, and grabbed me with his free hand. “Just think about it, okay? Don’t say no right away. We’re getting married in June anyway. Is it really such a big deal to move the wedding up a few weeks?”
I squeezed his hand in a silent response. He was right. But right now wasn’t the time to discuss a wedding – a future – not when we were speed walking away from a mugging, the old lady’s cries for help trailing after us on the street.
If I turned back now, tried to help her, it wouldn’t end well for any of us. But it didn’t stop the instinct ingrained so deeply inside me.
We made it back to Ray’s apartment in record time and hurried up the stairs. We looked at each other, words needing to be said about what we had just witnessed and accepted as normal. It wasn’t normal.
But this life had pushed us to be people we didn’t recognize anymore.
Would our relationship survive that? Would our marriage? My thoughts were interrupted when a tiny hand grabbed at my coat, demanding my attention. “Meeeeeeeeela, I’m hungry.”
I stuffed all the negative thoughts as far down as I could, giving the tiny girl a bright smile. “You’re hungry, eh? Well, let's see what we can do about that.”
Our afternoon was filled with keeping Avery entertained, and we had no time to talk, just the two of us.
Finally, just before sunset, Ray walked out of the bedroom, stretching his arms over his head. His lean figure wasn’t altered by the shortages. Instead it only made his body harder. He walked around the living room and kitchen, turning on the random camping lanterns and flashlights we used to supplement the weak electricity. “She’s down,” Ray whispered, sitting next to me on the couch.
He lay back and I leaned into his body, desperate for comfort. He wrapped his arm around me, kissing me on the top of my head and stroking my hair lightly. “You should probably head home before it gets dark, unless you’re staying the night.”
“Nah, I need to check on Olivia. I’ll leave in a minute.” I watched the light streak into a prism of colors in the sky as day turned to twilight. “I love you, you know. Forever. No matter what.”
“I know.” His arm tightened around me. “Does this mean you’ll marry me? Sooner, I mean.”
“It means it isn’t a no. Let me sleep on it, Ray. It’s been a day.” I’d marry the man in a garbage bag, and we both knew it. But my emotions were pulled a thousand ways by the weight of the day, and I didn’t want to give him an answer swayed by anything other than love.
He kissed my head again. “Of course. You know I’m not going anywhere. I’ll marry you tomorrow, June, in a thousand years. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
I laughed quietly, not wanting to disturb Avery. “Believe me, I know.” Normally Ray would walk me home, but Avery was already asleep and he couldn’t leave her.
So I left Ray sitting on the couch, with a promise to come back in the morning. We didn’t bother promising to text or call. My phone still sat in my pocket, no bars to be had. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that last night might have been the last time I’d ever get to use my cell phone. It was dusk, but not quite full dark, as I walked home, sticking to the busy roads and the sidewalks.Just in case.
