Page 69 of Surrender


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By grace, I open my eyes to the image of my father’s call coming in on my phone. It’s dreadfully early back home. If he’s calling there’s a reason. I try to clear away the burn marks from the alcohol inside my throat before I answer. My father’s English is better than he thinks. But at this hour, the Italian I get is what I need.

“Hello, Rafi. Are you well?”

“Papa. What are you doing up at this hour? You’re not meant for getting up with the chickens.”

“I had a dream that you needed something from home, so without waking your mother, which we all know is nearly impossible, I slipped from bed to call you. Tell me you’re well then I will return to bed.” The phone rests silently on my ear as my head falls slowly into my other hand. I want to tell him everything. I do. I just don’t know how to say it. “I thought so. Is it work? I’m getting the feeling that it’s not.”

“No, Papa. I’ve hurt someone through my choices. I had good intentions for the most part. The rest I was simply a coward. I’m finally realizing I may never be able to fix it and it hurts.”

“Are you able to tell me what happened? I would like to help if I can. I don’t like the sound of your voice.”

I take two very large gulps of a drink in front of me. As I settle the glass back on the twisted wet napkin on the table, the blue of my bracelet appears from under the unbuttoned cuff of my shirt. “I…I met a woman. A beautiful woman. I look at her and I see the future. I’ve lived in only the present for so long, scared of what was next, so I didn’t bother to move outside of what I was offered in regards to work. Now I’m thinking about staying in America on a more permanent basis to be near her.”

“None of that sounds like a bad thing. Where does Nicolette enter into all of this?”

“Nico and I, as much as you will hate this, have a committed, noncommitted relationship. We have been together but also, under conditions we’ve set, spent time with others. Ava has changed all that for me. I no longer want to be with anyone but her.”

“Your life is not for me to judge, Rafi. That is between you and your conscience. Has your Ava rejected you?”

“I wasn’t truthful. I was afraid if I was she would leave me. Now she has.”

“I’m assuming you’ve tried to reconcile?”

“I tried again tonight. I went to her office. She works at the firm that is representing me in the States. They said she was ill so I went to her.” I open my mouth to tell him everything that’s happened. It’s rare that I don’t open up to him. I know he could help, but I can’t seem to find the words. “It didn’t go how I’d hoped.” To hide the tears lingering just beneath the surface, I quickly down the rest of the drink in front of me before pulling the second glass into my grasp.

“I’m sorry you’re struggling, my son. May I offer you a bit of advice?”

“Please. Yes.”

“Allow yourself this time to sit with your emotions then keep trying. You’ll regret it more if you don’t give it everything you have. She may not see the forest for the trees. Give it time. Be well in the meantime.”

“I will, Papa. I’ll call you in a couple of days. I love you.”

“I love you too, Rafi.”

My father chuckles softly before he disconnects the call first. The phone rests on my ear with the dial tone swirling around in my head before I set the phone down and shut it off. A server quietly comes through the open hallway from the front of the bar and the kitchen. She sets a small plate of appetizers in front of me.

“I thought you might want something a little more than liquid. On the house.”

“Thank you,” I tell her. “May I get two more of these? The bartender in front will know the mix.”

“Sure. Let me know if you need anything else.”

I nod.

There’s nothing I need more than Ava.

Nicolette

Hours have passed without even another one word answer from Rafael. I’m not his keeper in many ways, but I would like to know how the meeting went. He’s never brought his work home with him. What I mean by that is that he never usually puts on a face at home or with me. For better or worse, I see him for who he is.

Lately, that’s not the case.

I can tell he’s holding back. We have an agreement. It’s none of my business. This time feels different. Since he’s been back in Atlanta, we’ve only been meeting at the hotel. I know he’s got a home he’s renting, but I’ve not been invited. Again, none of my business.

There’s an intensity to him that’s been so good for the screen. The intensity off-screen reads as depression. It’s beginning to cause a bit of concern. I reach over to the bedside table for the television remote when I hear my text notifications go off. The preview text is enough to get me to sit up straight.

It’s Antonio, Rafael’s father. The text reads: Rafi is somewhere alone. He needs someone to talk to. I need you to go to him as a favor to me. Let me know he’s safe.

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