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“Yeah. You exist and kick ass, but you’re hurting on the inside. Don’t think that I don’t see it, loca. I always have.”
She’s right. I know she’s right.
I have this way of dealing with things by stuffing them down. I process everything inside myself until it becomes too much or it spills out on accident. I don’t know why I say everything is fine when clearly it’s not. My brain starts to spin on, is this just about Rafael or am I more upset about Vince than I thought I was? I don’t know. The only thing I do know is today is going to be a day and I’m glad my best friend and my brother are here with me, no matter what it looks like.
After I pick at my breakfast plate and have enough to eat to satisfy Sylvia, Austin hands me my tennis shoes, a sweatshirt, and an umbrella so we can go for a walk. There are so many beautiful parks and trails near here. We pile in the car and drive about ten minutes and it feels like we’re in a different world. In a way, we are.
He parks on a random street and runs over to open my door. “I don’t know the area as well as you do, so you lead the way. We’ll walk as long as you want to.”
“You know if we were at home, you’d be taking me for ice cream in Long Grove. Remember we thought we were all grown-up because we could tell Mom or Dad we were taking our bikes and going to town.”
“I know, right? We thought it couldn’t get any better than that. You know, they’re shutting down at the end of summer. They’re trying to find a new owner, but not having much luck.”
“I didn’t know. That’s sad.”
“I’d like it if things could stay the same for just a while longer, ya know?”
“Finding your nostalgic side, Aus?”
“No, just realizing shit used to be a fucking hell of a lot simpler. I was always upset when you were sad. I just had to hug you and you told me you felt better. The older we get, the less I feel like I can do that.”
“Austin, I don’t expect you to fix it. I never did.”
“I guess I’m trying to say I feel unplugged and wish I could help. I hate seeing you wrecked. It makes me violent,” he chuckles.
I make him stop along a fence just off the sidewalk. We stare out into the beautiful pasture, noticing a couple horses off in the distance. “I don’t want you to feel like that. I’m okay. I will be okay. I’m just not today. What happened with Vince wasn’t out of the blue. I had a long time, if I’m honest with myself, to prepare for that. While it’s sad, it’s not destroying me.”
“But whatever happened last night is. I can feel it from here. Will you please tell me what’s going on?”
“I will but I need you not to share it with Mom or Dad.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
I take a deep breath as I lean into the fence. “I fell really hard for someone like less than two weeks after I caught Vince with Melissa. He was so different from anyone I would have normally gone for. Anyway, we clicked then started talking. We don’t live in the same state, let alone the same country, so it was a lot of talking on the phone or video calls.” I tell Austin about some of what happened on my bed-and-breakfast weekend. Which leads me into a confession. “Okay, so don’t kill me, but when I told you I was on my way to Miami for work, I didn’t exactly stay in Miami and it definitely wasn’t for work.”
“Why did you lie? You know I don’t give a shit as long as you’re safe. You’re an adult with more than above average skills in sensing character. If you thought he was right, I would go with your instincts.”
“You might not anymore after this. We spent a week alone together in the Turks. It was so special, so beautiful. I could have stayed there forever.”
“Okay, where is the black hole? I don’t see the issue yet.”
“The issue is, I met his girlfriend last night at an event I surprised him at. I wanted to kill him and puke at the same moment. In the end, I was classy and left. That didn’t make it hurt any less though, so what you see today is what you get.”
Austin’s hand flexes around the umbrella handle. I can hear the flimsy aluminum crackle in his grip. “Who is he? Where is he?”
“Where? I’m not sure. If it’s true, he’s on his way to London at some point this morning. Who, by how pissed you are right now, I don’t know if I should tell you.”
“I need you to tell me. I’m not going to do anything about it, I just need to know.”
“Okay. His name is Rafael Varallo.”
“Why does that name sound familiar?”
“He’s an actor, mainly in Europe, but he’s got at least one if not two projects coming out in the US this year.”
“Does your firm represent him?”
“That’s another good question. The answer is maybe. Before last night, Aaron wanted me to meet his manager, his girlfriend, to see if we can partner with their European team. Aaron was going to introduce me to her as a networking connection. Everything is such a twisted mess. Connecting with her would be the most advantageous and devastating thing I could do. I don’t know what I’m going to feel like an hour from now let alone on Monday. That’s why I need to get my feelings in check.”
