Page 55 of Surrender


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I feel claustrophobic immediately, pulling at the buttons on my shirt to get them to break free from around my neck. “Ava.”

One word.

It’s the only word I can manage. Her name sums up so many words in three letters.

Love. Happiness. Compassion. Future. Life. Breath. Everything.

“I thought so. She looked at you like I did when we met. This could have been a disaster. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was going to. I was. If I got this project, I’d have to.”

“How far has it gone?” I don’t know how to answer Nicolette’s question. I’ve already hurt Ava tonight in likely irreparable ways, I don’t want to do the same thing to Nico. “That far?” she says.

“Farther than I expected or planned. It doesn’t matter now. She’s left.”

“She left? She didn’t have the look of someone who would be willing to walk away. What happened?”

“Me. I happened. I underestimated her so I…”

“You didn’t tell her about me. Is that right?”

“No. I didn’t.”

“So you willfully violated the first rule. Why would you do that?”

I rip the loose tie from around my neck and stuff it in my pants pocket. “I’m not going to discuss it with you, Nicolette. I’m just not. She is not your concern in that way. That’s not how this works. I still remember that rule.”

“I’m not asking for a scene by scene recap of your time with her. I do have a right to sort out how to keep it from affecting the business side.”

“Don’t treat her like a transaction. She doesn’t deserve that,” I growl.

“I realize you’re generally used to getting what you want and her shunning you shits square on that, but take whatever emotion you’ve got boiling inside you and remove it from the equation. You have a meeting in the morning that could open quite a few doors for you, then it’s back home. I think once you’re an ocean away, you will be able to separate from the angst you’ve put yourself in.”

“I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”

“Where will you be sleeping tonight?” she asks.

“My room…alone.”

“All right. I get it.” Nicolette steps out of her shoes, walking over to me. “Get some sleep.” Her lips press gently on my cheek. My eyes slowly close with her touch.

Everything about Nico is familiar and generally easy.

I was still on the modeling side of my career when we met. She represented one of the girls who was hired for the shoot with me. She stayed on set and watched the entire session. She watched me.

I would catch her eyes moving up and down my body. She had this aura around her. One could get drunk off her confidence alone. When we’d finished for the day, she slid her business card into my hand without a word. On the back was her personal phone number. My mate told me I’d be a fool if I didn’t call her. I was young and ballsy, so I did.

We met at her place the next day, I left three days later. She had, and still does have, grace and elegance unparalleled. Her navigation through the waters of this business is something I’ve always admired. Her sweetness comes with a bite. We fell into this habit of work melting into private. I can’t claim she seduced me. I went more than willingly. It wasn’t until about a year in that she sat with me to talk about a special type of negotiation. I had never seen an open relationship near me before. My parents, grandparents, great-grandparents were all in committed marriages. I never considered that there might be another way.

Nicolette was an advocate for that way. She is not one to be tied down, however, she likes the security of stability when she wants it. She would tell me I would be the thing she’d always come back to. She’s never lied to me about that. Until Ava, I would let her know about anyone else I was spending time with. Ava changed everything.

I wanted her, and knowledge of her, to be only mine. She is mine.

I stand in the sitting room between our adjoining suites until I hear that Nico has settled and silence takes over the space. Nothing is silent in my head. I can hear every laugh Ava ever gave me. If I close my eyes, I can hear her breathe. But then, the worst sound takes over, she’s telling me goodbye. My heart aches inside my chest. If I didn’t have the meeting in the morning, the mini bar would be my best friend.

Angrily, I shed my jacket and fold it over the chair I’ve been grasping to stand. I pull my shirttails from my waistband as I walk to my room. I don’t bother with the lights before I sit on the end of my bed. I slide my hands back and forth slowly to warm them. I don’t know if anything can, or will, except her.

Ava.

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