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“Hey. What happened? I could tell something was wrong then you disappeared.”
I try and wipe my tears away, but they’re quickly replaced by another then another. “I can’t…talk about it.”
“You’re clearly devastated. Let me help you.”
“This is your night. You don’t need to be stuck in a bathroom trying to console me.”
“First of all, I’m not stuck. Second, I needed a few moments away. I refuse to let you sit here crying alone. I’m sure I’ll be crying with you. I can do that like a light switch lately. Let me help you.”
“I don’t think you can.”
“I have a feeling I can.”
We both hear the sound of running water coming from in front of us. Lex reaches over for a box of tissues on the small table to her left, offering me one while those women walk by us, gratefully, like we’re not even there. Once the door closes, I dab what I’m sure is my makeup-streaked face and blow my nose.
“You have feelings for Rafael. Am I right?”
My shoulders sink with a large sigh. “How did you know?”
“I recognized the signs. Ava, I know we haven’t had the opportunity to get to know each other well, so you probably don’t know how Julian and I got together.”
I sniff and wipe my eyes again. “No, I don’t, not other than what I read, which you know unless I send it myself, I don’t believe a lot of it.”
She gives me a soft smile before she puts her hand on my arm. “I’ve been where you are. I moved down here to get away from a horrible situation. I wasn’t looking for anyone or anything. Julian found me. I guess we found each other. I was in a bad place too. Something about being around him was easy. It didn’t feel like a struggle. It was steamy and powerful. I think you understand that.”
“I do. I really do.”
“I just wanted to be near him. He needed someone who wasn’t going to ask for things he couldn’t give. That was something he’d not had a lot of in a long time. Look, I don’t want to tell you what to do, but if you even think you’re in love with him, please take my advice and talk to him.”
“I don’t know. It’s too much. Alexandra, he lied to me. Not just an omission, he lied. I told him everything. I told him what happened in my previous relationship. I told him how I felt this unexplainable thing with him. I said I love you first. Tonight wasn’t the first time I’d heard the name Nico. He played it off as a friend, not the female kind, and nothing more. Each time was an opportunity he didn’t take. Why, if it was something he wasn’t trying to hide, wouldn’t he just tell me?”
“I can’t answer that, just like I can’t answer why Julian did something similar. I remember the pain like it was yesterday, but that pain also reminds me of how far we’ve come and how much I love him. I almost left. I called my father and had a plane booked for home. Look at what I would have missed if I had.” Alexandra smooths her dress over her cute belly. “He came after me when he found out I was leaving. I ran across half of Piedmont Park to get away. In the end, he begged me to stop running and be with him. I’m not saying let him get away with it. I’m saying love him enough to maybe work through it.”
I want to leap from this seat and say, “Yes, I’ll do that.” I wish I had it in me to go fight for him right now. I don’t. “I really appreciate you taking time away from your guests to talk to me. It also means a lot for you to share your story. I can’t act on it right now, but I promise I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t take too long if you can help it. Another thing I learned from that time, and even some other recent ones, is that you don’t have as much as you think you do.”
I reach across and gently hug her. She gives me the same kindness back before she pushes herself up out of her chair with a little giggle. “Hey, Lex?”
She pauses with her hand poised on the handle to open the door back to the world. “Yeah?”
“Can you do me a favor? Tell Aaron I caught a Lyft home. He knows.”
“I will. Think about what I said.”
“I will. Thanks.”
Rafael
The noise from the party filters back to the hallway from the main lobby. I hear a few sounds at random times. The click of a camera. A fit of laughter from a guest. Occasionally I will hear the voice of someone I know. The one thing that overarches it all is the hollow feeling in my chest.
How could I have done what I just did?
I knew this day would come. I didn’t know it would be today, in this hour. As much as I wasn’t able to tell her what she deserved to know, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her. How do you say goodbye to someone that has become half of who you are?
I don’t know how long I stay crouched by the chair Ava had been sitting in. It’s cold to the touch, much like how she was with me. I can’t blame her. I’m a fucking coward. When my thighs start to burn, I rotate to her chair. I can still smell the essence of her perfume all around me. It permeates all of my senses as a reminder and as penance. My elbows find my knees about the same time my head finds my hands. I want to stay in this corner forever. The will to hold up the pretense of a party attitude right now is completely void. I wish I could chase after Ava. I know that will only make things worse.
After I close my eyes and take a few long, deep breaths, I rise from the chair and take the long walk filled with shame back to Nico and the Skywriter staff. I think I catch a glimmer of red quickly moving from an interior door, through the lobby, and out into the night. If it wasn’t real, it was a fucking metaphor to be sure.
