AllFreeNovel
Share Us
What is happening here? And why do I enjoy his lips on mine so damn much?
I’m also holding someone else’s toddler. Abruptly putting space between Nathan’s sugary mouth and my own, I cover the kid’s eyes.
“You saw nothing,” I pretend to whisper to the little guy.
His giggles finally attract the attention of his parent, like a cub in the animal kingdom calling for its momma. Rhett genially approaches the table.
“Shi-crap, guys.” He looks between the three of us, and his brow creases. “You all are a mess. Did he start a cake fight?” Rhett holds out his arms so I pass over his little cutie and snag a napkin to wipe my hands and face. The loss of his toddler weight leaves a modicum of longing in my arms. There’s just something about snuggling a baby. I used to think it had to do with holding someone else’s kid and not one who belongs to me. The idea that I could give them back when I was finished getting my fix. It seems to be the opposite here. Holding his kid makes me impatient to hold my own.
I smile at them both. “No biggie. He was eager for some cake, but it all worked out perfectly.” I gesture at the blue frosting everywhere indicating the news that Nathan’s Y swimmers are indeed superior.
“I stepped into the hall to take a quick phone call and thought he’d be occupied with his crayons for a few minutes. He had other ideas.” Rhett tickles his belly, sending the toddler into squirmy squeals.
“Don’t worry about it,” Nathan replies to his friend.
Rhett smiles, but I can see the tension around the normally fun-loving guy’s eyes. “Well, hey, congratulations. I’m sorry to cut this short, but I have to get this one over to his mom.”
My stomach clenches at his intonation and the way he avoids looking Nathan or me in the eye. As if hinting this could be us in the not-so-distant future. My palm caresses my small bump uneasily.
“Not at all. Thank you so much for coming and bringing him along.” I wiggle the little guy’s foot. “It was nice to meet you,” I say in my best baby voice in an attempt to cover up the uncertainty I now feel.
After his friend retreats, Nathan turns to me. “How’s the head? Are you ready to get out of here too?”
Releasing a gigantic sigh, I rub my temples. “I definitely could lie down for a while.”
We make a hasty getaway, and I lie my head against the window while Nathan drives me home, air conditioning on full blast to ward off the warmth consuming me from the headache. Cami and Law took care of my mountain of gifts with the promise to call and make sure I’m feeling better before dropping them off. One less thing for me to worry about today.
Thoughts about the baby—a little boy—growing inside me, and what life will look like in a few short months plague me the entire ride home. About the man beside me, who I’ve loved as a friend for a third of my life, but am just beginning to wonder if there could, and should, be more.
Why rush? I’d much rather clear the hurdle of pregnancy and motherhood before also starting a relationship that could potentially impact our future in not so good ways.
If we do this the wrong way, we could end up hating each other while still having to raise our son. Parents can love their kids as hard as they possibly can, but kids will still pick up on the lack of love for each other. I want our relationship to be amicable. I don’t want to shuttle our son between houses on a schedule or fight about mundane things like how much sugar is too much and what video games are too violent.
If that means I can’t have Nathan to keep things civil, then I’m willing to make that sacrifice. It is the safe choice, after all. Risking my best friend for the small chance of having something more? Not when there’s a real possibility I could lose him forever.
I can’t help but wonder if that’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make too, or one that’s even crossed his mind.
Only time will tell.
13
Kiersten
The phone at my ear rings and rings until his voicemail picks up again. This time I leave a message.
“Hey, Nathan. I’m in the clinic waiting room already, so if you’re still coming, you can ask the desk where I went if I’m not still out here when you arrive. Um, that’s all. I don’t even know why I’m checking in. You said you’d be here, so you’ll be here. Right? Um, okay. Bye.”
Closing my eyes, I slump down in my chair and end the stupid voice message. I don’t know why I bother calling. He’s a grown-ass man and not my husband or my boyfriend. I’m not his keeper. Our communication has been nil again, and I’m extra emotional today. We haven’t connected since the baby shower.
Cami and Law dropped off the gifts the next day after I was feeling better. Nathan met us to unload and take the duplicates in his truck so I didn’t have to try to haul them to his house and to save our friends an additional stop. Besides then, we’ve exchanged surface-level texts, and he swung by to say hi while I was working only twice.
No food drops. No phone calls to check in. Definitely no sex.
I can’t help but wonder if that’s the reason for his silence. The kiss. We got carried away at the baby shower. With a full audience to boot. Maybe he’s thinking about the fight with his mom, and what she thinks of seeing us make out like two horny teens.
I can’t even make an excuse that he’s been busy because I know his schedule works in a five on, five off rotation. What person has nearly a week free from work twice a month and can’t make time to see their friends?
Correction, friend. Singular. I’d stake money on the fact he’s seen Cami. At the very least, he’s spoken to her on the phone. And I know in my dark and desperate little soul it wouldn’t be fair to put her in the middle and beg her for answers or advice.
