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“Yay!” Hannah jumped up. “I want a waffle.”
“Waffle it is, then,” I said finding some clothes for her.
When she dressed, we headed out of the townhome and walked a few blocks to the diner.
“Well if it isn’t little Miss Sunshine,” Francie, the waitress said as she came to our table.
“I’m gonna have waffles,” Hannah announced.
“Good choice. What flavor, honey?”
“Chocolate chip.”
I winced, although I wasn’t sure blueberry was much better since it was all blueberries in sugar.
“Whipped cream?” Francie asked.
“Can I mommy?”
“Why not.” Whipped cream was dairy, right? That had nutrients.
“How about you, Beth?” Francie asked.
“I’ll have eggs and bacon,” I said. I looked up at her as I handed my menu to her. “Was Ben in last night?”
She nodded, her expression a little sad. “Loaded up on coffee and toast. This time I don’t think he added anything to the coffee though.”
I hoped that meant he was making an effort to stop drinking, but I knew I couldn’t hold my breath. He’d made an effort before and it hadn’t worked out.
“Mommy, am I going to school?” Hannah asked when Francie left to turn in our order.
“Yes, this fall you’ll start kindergarten, why?” I hadn’t told her yet she’d be starting school on the west coast. Until my work with Ash was done, and the business was taken care of, I couldn’t move.
“Because kids at the park were talking about school.”
“Now that you’re five, you’ll start school. Does it sound like fun?”
She shrugged. “What do you do there?”
“Well, you count and color and stuff like that.”
She frowned. “I do that at home.”
I laughed. “Yes, but this time there will be lots of kids and a teacher.” I’d grown up going to private schools, but I’d be sending Hannah to public school. I supposed it was the snob in me that had me feeling bad about it. I had a good education, but plenty of public-school kids did just fine in life. In fact, I wondered if they might have been better prepared for the world since they had more experience with all the variety of people and cultures. I grew up in a pretty homogenous society, and I suspected that part of Ben’s and my difficulties were learning to adjust to living in a different world than what we’d grown up in. I didn’t do a load of laundry until a year ago because we always had staff. The same went for grocery shopping and taking the car in for servicing. Morgan had been a lifesaver teaching me basic living skills.
Francie brought Hannah a glass of milk and me some coffee. “Waffles will be out shortly. I asked for extra chocolate.”
“Yay!” Hannah grinned. After Francie left again, Hannah’s expression turned serious. “Mommy, how come I don’t have a daddy?”
Oh, God. Over the last year or so, she’d made comments about her father, but we’d never really talked about it.
“You do, he’s just not with us. Many kids don’t have their daddy with them. When you were little, we stayed with my mommy, Grandma McAdams, remember?”
“And then we came here with your daddy. Where’s mine?”
I swallowed. “What brought this up?”
“The kids at the park. They all have daddies. Even the ones that don’t live with them, they still get to see them. They said their daddy takes them to the park or gets them ice cream.”
“You and I do that.”
Her lip started to quiver, making my heart break. “Doesn’t he like me?”
Guilt burned in my gut. “Oh honey, it’s not that at all. He’d love you.” At least, I thought he would, which begged the question about why I hadn’t told him since we’d been back. “His being gone isn’t because of you,” I continued on, needing to make sure her not knowing Ash wouldn’t hurt her self-esteem.
“Why is he gone?”
“It’s just the way it is. But you’ve got me and Uncle Ben—”
“He’s always sick. He never takes me to the park or for ice cream.”
No, as uncles went, he was lacking. “He will when he’s better.”
She harrumphed, but then her waffle appeared and fortunately that distracted her from thoughts of her father. Me on the other hand, guilt stole my appetite.
After breakfast, Hannah I visited some neighborhood shops and then headed home. I’d done a pretty good job of putting my meeting with Ash out of my head, but it was now just a few hours away and I couldn’t avoid it.
“Can Morgan and I rent a movie on the TV?” Hannah asked when I told her I was going out that night and she’d have a babysitter.
“Sure.” I’d have rather she watched one of her DVDs since we needed to save every penny, but I also resented denying my five-year-old daughter a four-dollar movie. “I need to get ready to go out.”
“Can I help you pick out what to wear?” Hannah followed me as I headed upstairs.
