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God, I was such an idiot. Why couldn’t I get out of my own way? Perhaps Hunter was right, and it was time for me to see a therapist.
“I’m sorry. I seem ungrateful. You’re right. I should appreciate help from others more. I guess I’ve lived so much on my own that it’s hard to accept.”
“I can understand that. I went from having my life dictated to me to having to fend for myself to becoming a Raven. It’s been a crazy ride. But what I’ve learned is that while we don’t want people telling us what to do or treating us like we’re incapable, we can’t do everything on our own, and it’s more fun when others support us. I have no experience in foundations, but Chase believes I can do it. I can’t tell you what it means to me to have his belief in me. And if I falter, he’ll be there for me. And if he oversteps his bounds, I’ll step on his toes to push him back.”
I laughed.
“That’s how relationships work.”
“You’re very wise for someone so young,” I said, meaning it.
“Thank you. Now, can I offer you a job?”
The initial response that threatened to come out of my mouth was no, but I reined it in. “If it doesn’t bother Hunter, then yes.”
“Whether it bothers him or not doesn’t matter. But it won’t.” Sara walked to my door. “He’s in his office if you feel the need to let him know. I’ll be by Monday with details about the job.”
“Thank you, Sara.”
She smiled brightly. “I think we’re going to do great things together.”
33
Hunter
Friday
I stood looking out the window of my loft thinking how several weeks ago, at this time of night, I’d be hunting for a woman to bring home and lose myself in to numb my battered mind. Then I met Grace, and instead of numbing me, being with her awakened parts of me I thought had died in the desert of Iraq.
Thinking of her was painful, and yet, I was grateful for my time with her. My dreams weren’t completely gone. I was still hyper-aware of my surroundings, ready for danger to pop out at any time. Guilt still weighed heavy on me. But like a counterbalance, talking with other men who understood trauma and fear, and learning breathing and other coping techniques offset my problems so that I didn’t feel like I was walking through a warzone every second of my waking and sleeping life. And loving Grace had helped with that too, I suspected.
Several times during the day, I started walking to the elevator to go down to her office but always stopped myself. She’d been clear on how she felt about me, and if that changed, she’d come see me. Pushing myself on her was what had created all her problems, so continuing to push her wouldn’t make it better. It was time for me to sit back and hope she’d change her mind. And if she didn’t, well, I didn’t know what the fuck I’d do. Actually, I did. I was sure at some point I wouldn’t be able to wait any longer, and I’d seek her out. For now, I’d wait.
In the meantime, I went through my contacts to see if I could find anyone to help Sara. I knew lots of people, but most of them were involved in security type fields. My father would be the best one to point her towards foundation resources. He had friends in every aspect of the city.
My stomach growled telling me it was time to eat. I checked my watch. Eight-thirty. Yep. I’d missed dinner. I headed to the kitchen but was sidetracked when there was a knock on my door. I was surprised because there was a doorman in my building, and he hadn’t rung up.
I looked through the peephole. Grace?
I jerked the door open, wondering if she was a mirage.
“Hi,” she said hesitantly. She sounded real.
“Hi.”
“Your doorman knows me, so he said I could come up. I’m not interrupting or anything, am I?”
I frowned, all of a sudden feeling angry that she’d think I wasn’t alone. “I haven’t reverted to my old behavior. There are no women in my bed.”
She flinched, and her expression showed guilt. “No, I didn’t mean that. I…ah…” She looked down for a moment and then back up at me. “I wanted to apologize for how I treated you the other day.”
I nodded.
She stared at me for a moment like she was waiting for me to respond. When I didn’t, she said, “Well, that was all. Just that I’m sorry.”
She was standing in my fucking doorway. Why hadn’t I invited her in? Why wasn’t she in my arms? That’s what I wanted. I couldn’t let my anger get the best of me again.
I opened the door. “I was getting ready to have some dinner. Want to join me?”
