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I flinched, but I’d gone this far so I kept going. “He’s right. People don’t hassle me or say I faked my injury, but then, it’s pretty clear to my family that I’m fucked up in here,” I pointed to my head. “At least, more so than when I left.”
“How do you deal with it?” the kid asked.
“Being fucked up? Apparently, not well as my family had an intervention.” I couldn’t figure out why I was saying all this, and yet, I couldn’t stop myself either.
“You can afford private therapy,” another man said.
I nodded. “I can and did, but she sent me here. Money or not, only other vets know what it’s like to fight, to be terrified of dying, to be in such pain you wish you were dead, and to come home to a world that you don’t quite fit in anymore.”
The rest of the group nodded.
“That’s what it’s like,” one of the other men said. “It’s like you’re a puzzle piece whose shape changed and when you get home, you don’t click. Not with your family, not with society. Does it get better, Dan?”
An older gentleman that probably served in Vietnam seesawed his head. “It’s not as bad. My family reshaped themselves some, to use your puzzle analogy. They accept that they have to let me know when they enter a room behind me. Let me sit facing the door at restaurants. Can’t go to firework celebrations.” He shrugged. “You know.”
Everyone nodded, including myself. When we were done, I wanted to make a quick exit, but a few of the men stopped me, welcoming me into the group. The young man, thanked me for sharing that I had a similar experience.
“What do you do?” I asked him.
“I play video games.” He gave a sheepish smile. “I can’t find work.”
“Are you good at it?”
“Now I am.”
“So you’re observant and can react?”
He shrugged. “Yeah.”
“I might have a job for you,” I said, thinking of all the surveillance tape I had to go through to find the thief at the club and restaurant.
The kid’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Yep. You need to be on time and on the ball, and the job might be boring.”
“That’s okay, I’m used to being bored.”
I laughed and pulled my card out of my pocket. “Come see me tomorrow. We’ll go over it all then.”
He looked up at me like I was a fucking God, which I hated, and at the same time, it made me feel good. Not good in that he thought I was a God, but that I was giving this kid something that made him happy.
“How’d it go?” Grace asked when I reached the street. She was waiting like she’d been there the whole time.
“I’m not ready to give you the satisfaction of saying you were right,” I said with a wink.
She smiled, and like a balm, it soothed my battered soul. “I believe in you, Hunter.”
Her belief was misplaced, but I kept that to myself. She’d figure it out soon enough.
16
Grace
Monday – Tuesday
I was torn on how to feel. I wanted to walk away from Hunter…well, I didn’t want to but knew I needed to. That didn’t happen. But I did get him to a veteran’s group, and it appeared to go well. Because I wasn’t his therapist anymore, I didn’t ask him any probing questions about it. I didn’t need to though because there was a calm about him that I hadn’t seen before.
The other difficulty was that I’d agreed to see him socially as friends. While this wasn’t bad per se, since I’d been his therapist and slept with him while being his therapist, in my mind, a clean break was the safest thing I could do to protect my career. The problem was, I didn’t want a clean break. Seeing Hunter’s small, yet, notable changes and growth made me so proud of him. And yes, he was hot and compelling and addicting. I couldn’t indulge that part, which I supposed made me a glutton for punishment.
The next day, I headed up to his office just after lunch to let him know of the plans I’d made for us as part of our platonic relationship deal. His secretary, Yvonne, told me he was with someone as she scrutinized me. She had that look of a woman who felt like another woman was encroaching on her man. I wondered if Hunter had ever been with her and then scoffed at myself. Of course, he had. Hunter was a hound dog, or at least had been. He’d told me yesterday that he hadn’t been with another woman since meeting me. I wondered if that would last. I hoped so. Hunter deserved a real, loving relationship with a woman, not one-night stands to keep the horrors of war from entering his dreams.
“I’ll just wait, if that’s alright,” I told Yvonne.
