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I studied his face. I could tell he was hurting, and it made me feel bad, but mostly it made me mad that I cared how he felt. He had been so cruel to me, and here I was, worried about him feeling down. I wanted to slap myself. Instead, I heard that same voice that seemed to sometimes originate from outside my body agreeing to dinner. We walked out to his car and drove to the same restaurant where we had our first date, an Italian place situated by the water’s edge.
“Remember this place?” he asked.
“Yep.” I climbed out of the car quickly before he could run around to open the door like some cheesy first date.
“Wow, this place has really gone downhill since the last time we were here,” Shaun said as we walked through the front doors.
“It looks the same to me.” I looked around, wondering if I could hide behind a plant or something. He was speaking loudly enough for the entire staff to hear him.
“Let’s just hope the food is still edible,” he scowled.
“Just the two of you?” a young lady standing in front of us at the reservation podium asked, unfettered.
“Yes, and not by the kitchen,” Shaun told her.
I stood there, wondering what I had ever seen in this man. He had two settings on his behavior dial. One was for people he perceived as beneath him, like servers, mechanics, clerks, and such. The other was what I always called “kiss-up mode.” Anytime he was around someone he felt the need to garner favor with, he put on this overly fake air that would drive me toward anyone else I could find to talk to while he made a fool of himself.
Seated near a window that overlooked the bay, we ordered our drinks and an appetizer that he selected. He ordered for both of us and began droning on about how he had decided to trade in his BMW for a Mercedes. I had forgotten how bad he was. He used to be so humble and fun. How he had changed so much in a few short years was unbelievable. I’d had enough.
“I thought we came here to talk about us?”
“Yeah, yeah. We did. I just thought we’d make some light conversation while we waited on the food to arrive. You know, before we get to the heavy stuff.”
As if summoned, a waitress appeared with our plates and sat them down, stepping away to refill our drinks. While she was gone, Shaun took a bite of his steak and made a face.
“What’s wrong?”
“They apparently don’t understand the meaning of medium here. This is easily medium well,” he said, holding up a bite on his fork to show me that it wasn’t nearly pink enough, except it looked like it was cooked perfectly to me.
“I think it looks fine,” I said, but it went unnoticed as the waitress reappeared and he began berating her for it.
I drowned it out with my own thoughts instead. Spending this extra time with Shaun only made me miss Jon that much more. Things were never this hard with him. Sure, we had our problems, but when we were together, everything was just so easy between us. He was so laid-back and fun to be around. I realized I had never truly felt that way about Shaun. I mean, we had fun on one level, but that deep connection I felt to Jon had never been there. As I sat listening to him explain to the waitress how a steak should be properly cooked, I was overcome with the urge to get away from him.
“I need to be excused,” I told him as the waitress left with his plate, taking a quick sip of my wine to wash down the bite of pasta I had just eaten.
“Excused? Where are you going?”
“To the bathroom?”
“Oh. Sorry. OK.”
I smiled and turned to walk away, needing a moment to gather my thoughts, but I found that what I really needed was just to get away from this horrible, toxic man.
“When the man at my table asks if you’ve seen me, will you please tell him that I left?” I told the hostess, who smiled and nodded knowingly.
13
Jon
“Hey Jon, I haven’t heard from you in a while,” Allison said from the other end of the phone.
“Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy working on the new addition,” I replied.
“Oh? I didn’t think you planned on starting that for a while.”
“I didn’t. It was just a spur of the moment thing. What’s up?”
“Nothing. I just wasn’t doing anything tonight and thought I’d see if you wanted some company.”
“I don’t know, Allison. I don’t think I’m up for it.”
“You don’t sound like yourself. I’m worried about you. Why don’t you let me come over and make you dinner?”
I thought about it for a moment and decided dinner couldn’t hurt, and I could use the company. Now that Glenn and Donnie were done with their part, it had been a lonely task working on it by myself. I could stand a friendly face and a decent meal. Allison had always been good to me. Some might look upon me as a former sports hero gone bad, but she saw me as strong for having recovered myself. It was more than I saw in myself. Inside, I felt like the scared little boy that needed someone to help him through the night. Allison had always understood that and never asked me for more, though it was clear she wanted that and wouldn’t push me for it.
