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I looked at my angel’s face, she had a small smile on her face as that bastard Paxton swirled my son in his arms.
Another man was making my woman smile.
Another man was making her happy.
My son was calling another man daddy.
My family belonged to another man.
I have nothing.
I lost them.
I lost everything I had.
I’m lost…
*****
Hours passed but the anger that was boiling inside of me didn’t dissipate. I was shaking with rage and I welcomed it because it was easier to feel angry than feeling hurt.
Damn if it didn’t hurt…
I wasn’t angry at her. My anger was more focused on me than anyone or anything else. I had everything. Even though my way of bringing them into my life wasn’t normal she chose to love me and she gave me a family.
She wanted to save me and she could have, but I was the monster; I didn’t learn from my mistakes. Yes, I did the right thing with her by letting her leave but only to follow that with a mistake. Why did I have to look for another girl to corrupt? Why didn’t I just sit in my house and wait to die?
I deserved to die.
I was happy my son wouldn’t grow up with a guy like me.
I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t deserve her. Even death was an easy choice for me because nothing would redeem my sins.
I’d become worse than the people I hated the most.
*****
It was easy to plan my death. All it took was a visit to my brother dearest’s cell so I could empty all of the drug packages and throw all the money to the main area. He was furious and I gave him the reason he wanted to get to finally kill me.
William Harrison hated me, he was just too scared of my sick mind he couldn’t act on it; he knew he would never be able to beat me, but today was different… today I wouldn’t fight back.
And I didn’t.
I didn’t know how many times he stabbed me till the guards barged into my cell, but all I did was smile at him, making him even angrier.
The pain was too much, it wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced before and my death was slow –just the way I deserved it. I felt my blood drain out of my body from the pores of the handmade knife. It burned like hell and I welcomed it; that was where I would be anyway, if there was a life after death that is.
“You fucking psycho motherfucker asshole! Die and rot in hell!” was the last thing I’d heard from William before he sneaked a kick to my stomach, sealing my death.
Finally, the monster died, roaring and the scared kid in me followed him into the darkness, crying…
November 1, 2018
“Happy birthday, MJ!” Dawn was singing the birthday song for MJ.
We all clapped our hands while my little boy blew out all the candles. His smile was adorable.
“Auntie,” he said after examining his toy car and wrapped his little arms around Dawn’s neck. It was his way of thanking her. He preferred to show affection rather than using words. Because of this he was still talking with one-word sentences. Even though he could easily handle a long conversation. He had a deep, silent intelligence that was shocking for a three-year-old boy. Sometimes I thought he understood more than he should.
