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“Okay. So what does that mean exactly?” he asked me.
It meant I had no freaking idea. It meant I would be whatever he wanted me to be as long as I could spend time with him. I wasn’t weak, yet the way I felt about him made me feel weak. I didn’t like that and wished I was stronger. “I want to spend time with you this summer but nothing more. No commitments. I leave for college soon too.” Lie lie lie lie. Ugh. Who was this girl speaking for me?
He frowned. He said nothing. I waited. I was close to begging, but I had to draw the line at some point. I couldn’t stoop that low. I had some pride.
“Let me clarify. You’re saying you want to hang out some this summer but nothing serious. No strings.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. The way he said it made it sound better. There was that.
He grinned then and sat up straight. “Okay then. If you can do that, I’m good with it. I just didn’t want you getting hurt. I’ve hurt plenty of girls, and I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.”
Oh, I was going to get hurt, Asa Griffith. There was no way around that. I returned his smile and hoped I was wrong.
JULY 4, 2020 She Was Different from All the Others
CHAPTER 21
ASA
The smell of burgers grilling, tanning oil, and vapes filled the air. This would probably be the last July Fourth I spent out here at the lake. Most of the group was here. A few had left town, but the majority had made it for today. I glanced over at Bexley lying out in a tiny bikini beside Tallulah.
I’d invited her two days ago. Last night’s date with Ezmita had messed with my head. It was a lucky thing I’d already invited Bexley to keep me from bringing Ezmita. Because I would have. I wanted to be around her all the damn time. I was going to have to check that. Leading her to believe we were a thing was bad. I would not do that to her. I didn’t have a good model for a healthy relationship in my life. My parents made sure that I was completely screwed up where that was concerned. Something in me didn’t work right when it came to falling in love or even caring deeply. I shouldn’t have agreed last night to the casual thing that I had. But damned if I had the willpower to just end it with her, especially after I’d gotten a taste of being with her. Not just the kissing, either. Although that was the hottest damn kissing I’d ever experienced. Which meant sex would be mind-blowing, and I did not need to go there. Change of thought, Asa. Burgers. I’d think about burgers.
“So, playah, you were sucking off Ezmita’s face last night and with Bexley today. Classy,” Nash remarked when he glanced back at me from the small Coleman grill he had brought to cook the food.
“Shut up,” I replied. I wasn’t getting into this with him.
He shrugged. “Just fair warning—Tallulah will be nice to Bexley, but she may not speak to you. She’s a fan of Ezmita.”
I rolled my eyes and held out the plate for Nash to pile the burgers on. “Not her business.”
He chuckled. “You don’t get females.”
I got them just fine. They were nosy as hell. Except Ezmita. She was different from all the others, which was another reason my not being with her two days in a row was a good thing. I was saving her from future pain.
“Ezmita knows the situation. She agrees. She wants nothing serious. We’re casually dating this summer. No strings.” I wasn’t sure if I was explaining this to Nash or reminding myself. Either way, I said it.
He nodded slowly as he flipped the burgers. “Okay. So, when she dates other guys, you’ll be fine with that?”
Fuck no. I inhaled sharply. Yes. I would be fine with that. I just doubted Ezmita was going to go out and date. If she did, I’d be okay. “Sure,” I replied.
Nash laughed loudly and I glared at his back. Bastard. “I really hope I don’t miss this.”
“Fuck you,” I said.
He shrugged. “Sorry, bro, I’m in a committed relationship.”
I set the plate down on the foldout table beside him. I wasn’t standing here and listening to his shit anymore. I started to head toward Bexley and changed my mind. I went over to the tree with the rope swing. I was going to fucking swim. It was July Fourth. I would enjoy today, dammit.
Three hours later no one had mentioned Ezmita. I’d eaten three burgers. Gotten sunburned on my shoulders and avoided kissing Bexley, even though she had tried to lean in more than once. I was fucking exhausted.
