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The truth of his statement made her feel colder than all the ice and slush of Chicago winters ever could. “Of course you didn’t. Why should you? If you’re lucky, the only change Jelly Bean will bring to your life is a roommate for a couple months and money out of your pocketbook for eighteen years. Maybe through college. A steep price for you, but sometimes it feels like a life sentence for me.”
Vivian wanted to be happy about the baby. She wanted to be one of those glowing expectant mothers accepting pastel-wrapped gifts at an office baby shower. But her friends were in Las Vegas, where she could never get a job again, and she was in Chicago, dependent on a man she barely knew. Self-pity consumed her, even as she reminded herself that children had been brought into the world in worse situations. Hollow praise, indeed.
“Hit me,” Xìnyùn whistled.
This time the look Karl gave the bird was full of amused irritation. “Does he know what to say to make your point strike an artery, or is he just lucky?”
She went to the kitchen for a glass of water, not bothering to answer. He didn’t deserve one. He deserved more than her scarf dripping on his expensive furniture, but right now she didn’t have the energy for anything other than a drink.
After Karl slipped onto one of the bar stools, Xìnyùn hopped down his arm to the counter and over to his miniature gym. If the tension in the room bothered the little bird, he didn’t show it.
“You’re right, of course.” Vivian and Xìnyùn both looked up in surprise when Karl’s voice broke the silence. “I can come up with a million excuses for my behavior, but I don’t accept excuses from the people around me and I shouldn’t accept them from myself. I keep thinking my world should return to normal, but the truth is you are a life-altering event. The sooner I act like it, the better off we both will be.”
She eyed him over the rim of her water glass as she lowered it.
“If I were you, I wouldn’t believe me either,” Karl said.
“Hit me,” the bird said and Karl laughed. He had a surprisingly hearty laugh that she expected didn’t get much use.
“I swear that bird knows what he’s doing. No matter how much you claim he prefers men, I think he only prefers to put men in their place.” He chuckled. “And if I can be put in my place by a tiny parrot who whistles as much as speaks, I deserve all the criticism he can dish out.”
Vivian’s irritation deflated. “This isn’t about punishing you or you changing your life, but this apartment could become a trap for me, if I let it. Not getting a job could become a trap for me. Even Jelly Bean could become a trap for me. But I won’t let that happen.” She blinked back tears. She wasn’t a crier. She had never been a crier—she was a doer. This was the pregnancy crying.
She didn’t see him hop off his stool and come around to give her a hug. The cotton of his crisp white shirt was cool on her cheek, but his arms were warm around her shoulders and she didn’t want to think too hard about why he was giving her a hug. Karl did what a person in any situation was supposed to do, and right now that meant hug his crying wife. She wanted comfort and would take what she could get. It’s not as though she had a lot of options.
“I’m scared.” His arms swallowed her words, but not fast enough that he didn’t hear them.
“I’m scared, too. This wasn’t how either of us imagined marriage or pregnancy. We don’t have to be scared alone.”
Her tears had dampened his dress shirt through to his undershirt, so that the fabric adhered to his chest where she pressed against him and nodded. When she pulled away and looked up at him, his face had softened. “I still don’t understand why you can’t tell your father what happened. Make him face the consequences of his actions.”
“I can’t. Not yet.”
“Why?”
“Because he’ll only make the situation worse.”
CHAPTER TEN
TRUE TO HIS promise to be a better partner and friend, Karl came home after the gym to eat breakfast with Vivian. She made congee—the one food her father had known how to cook—and they sat at the table with their rice porridge and coffee. Xìnyùn made a morning of it by climbing on his gym and showing off for Karl, whistling and ringing his bell. Karl ate his breakfast as if the noise was the calming sound of waves hitting the beach, instead of an attention-hungry parrot. Only when he was done eating and had washed his bowl did Karl pay Xìnyùn any mind. Karl got out a small wad of paper and a cup, and played basketball with the little bird until he had to leave for work.
