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Her heart thudded so fast she thought she might faint, or choke, or both. ‘I don’t know what to think of you, Jared.’
‘Do you really think I’m such a sleazy bastard as to use your grandfather? God, Amanda. That’s not what I want.’
‘I don’t know what you want. But I don’t want to owe you. I’ll pay you back—I’ve got a new job and I’m saving and I’ll—’
‘You owe me nothing!’ he shouted. ‘This was a debt I owed.’
Looking at him hurt so much but she couldn’t stop.
His chest was heaving and his eyes were full of bitter accusation. ‘You walked out on me.’
‘And you just told me to go.’
‘What the hell do you want from me?’ The words were torn from him.
‘Everything!’ She couldn’t hold hers back. ‘I’ve always wanted everything from you. But you rejected me.’
‘Is this about the night Colin moved up? The night I—’
‘Said no to me.’ When she’d needed him more than ever.
He shifted, hands fisted as he loomed closer. ‘It really does come down to sex with you, doesn’t it, Amanda? All you want is sex.’
‘Rubbish!’ she shouted. ‘I wanted you to make love to me because it was just a tiny part of what I really wanted.’
He frowned.
‘I wanted you to love me,’ she broke. ‘It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I know you don’t. I know you want me like that but I’ll never be the person you want by your side for ever. I don’t know that you’ll ever want someone by your side for ever.’
He closed his eyes, veiling an expression of pain so intense it cut across her heart.
‘Jared—’
‘Do you love me?’ He sounded astounded.
‘Of course.’ She stared at him through the tears that were falling fast. ‘What on earth did you think I felt for you?’
‘I knew you wanted me.’ He shook his head. ‘You liked how I could make you feel.’
‘That’s just sex. And wonderful as it is it’s nothing on how you make me feel the rest of the time.’ She sniffed. ‘I hate how you make me feel. So insecure. So miserable. So lonely. I didn’t want to always be wondering when it was going to end.’
He stared at her, looking as if the sky had just fallen in on him, and as if he couldn’t believe it.
‘Damn it, Jared, I’ve loved you for years. I’ve always loved you.’
‘Why?’ He looked so stunned her heart broke all over again.
This, the boy who’d been abandoned by his mother and neglected by his father. Who knew women could want him, but never love him?
‘How can you ask that? There’s everything to love about you.’
He frowned again but she barrelled on. ‘Yes, I love your body. You know how much your body thrills me. You’re sex on legs and you know it and, yes, you’re the only man I’ve ever wanted like that and the extent to which I want that…you already know.’ She’d wanted him so much she’d ravished him. Repeatedly.
‘Your bank account I couldn’t care less about. I mean, I love what you’ve done for Grandfather. Of course I do. It’s just one example of how generous you are. How honourable. But I loved you for years before that. I loved the guy who came and worked on the farm and in Grandfather’s office. The guy who was so serious and sullen and yet who could make my day just by looking at me.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘How could you not know?’ she shrieked. ‘I’ve been throwing myself at you for ever. And you always rejected me.’
‘I thought you just wanted…I thought I was your bit of rough.’
‘Oh, Jared.’ She shook her head. ‘I thought I was just sex for you. That was all you wanted, that was how you set it up.’
‘I thought it was,’ he said slowly. ‘I really did. I thought the memory of you that night had somehow gotten under my skin—had become a fantasy that had to be played out.’ He blew out a hard breath and stepped closer, cupping her face with hands that were trembling. ‘Amanda, the truth is I love you.’
As the tears washed down her cheeks his voice broke—the words emerging frantic and fast. ‘I’ve loved you for ever and I’ll love you the rest of my days.’
He clutched her tightly to him and she tried to hold back the sobs and listen instead. ‘You were the spoilt princess back then, and part of me hated you. I was jealous, you had everything. But I wanted you—so beautiful and wild. I couldn’t have you—not when Colin had been so good to me. Meeting you again…I thought you were still the spoilt miss but once we started I found that all that was wrong. You were amazing—so generous, and I wanted more of what you could give. Finally I realised that just sleeping with you wasn’t going to be enough. I wanted you to be mine. But I was terrified.’
