Page 82 of The Color of Grace


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Ryder obviously hadn’t.

The traitor.

How dare he go behind my back and try to get help for my personal—secret—problems? This was not something I wanted to talk about with anyone. I wanted to forget and move on. Pretend it had ever happened, and no one would be the wiser.

But as the counselor sat across his desk, seemingly staring straight into my soul, I felt pinned and exposed.

“He…” I paused, cleared my throat and tried talking again. “Ryder was wrong. I don’t need to talk to you about anything.”

Mr. Howard squinted, his gaze becoming even more scrutinizing. “So nothing’s wrong?”

Grr. Hadn’t I just said that?

I lowered my balled hands into my lap and nodded.

“Is nothing really wrong or is something very wrong but you just don’t feel comfortable sharing it with me?”

I lifted my face. In his eyes, I saw the truth. If I opened up and remained perfectly honest, he’d make sure he found someone I could talk to—an idea that scared the crap out of me.

So I lied. “Nothing’s wrong,” I rasped out the words, my throat scratchy and raw from the fib.

Looking sad and disappointed as he nodded, Mr. Howard sighed and rested back in his chair. “I knew your father. Did you know that?”

I blinked, totally thrown off track by his change in subject. “Actually, he’s only a stepdad,” I said, shuddering from just thinking about him.

Mr. Howard frowned in confusion before his face cleared. “Oh, I didn’t mean the dentist. I’m talking about Daniel. Daniel Indigo.”

Hearing my father’s name made something thump painfully against the inside of my ribcage. “Oh. I…I didn’t realize that. How…how did you know him?”

“We went to high school together. He was a year older than I was. I’m not sure if I ever actually talked to him. But I definitely knew who he was. Truth be told, I envied Daniel Indigo. His girlfriend was by far the prettiest, nicest girl I’d ever met. I had this awful crush on her.” He looked unsure as he eyed me before adding, “If you don’t mind me saying so.”

A warmth of pride spread through me, thinking someone thought so highly of my mother to call her the prettiest, nicest girl he’d ever met. Shaking my head vigorously, I whispered, “I don’t mind.”

“Good. I didn’t want to offend you. I knew she and Daniel were like…you could just tell it was true love between them. And I have nothing but the greatest of respect for Katie Walsh. I don’t want you to think—”

“Indigo,” I corrected.

Breaking off with a rattled frown, Mr. Howard paused. “What?”

“Kate Indigo. She’s Kate Indigo now.” Then the truth struck me, and I had to gasp. “I mean, Struder. She’s…she’s Kate…Struder now.”

Oh, God. She carried his name. The idea horrified me.

It shoved home the truth of how awful my situation was. My mother had married a pedophile who wanted her daughter and now she bore his very name.

I fully realized then that I couldn’t sweep this under the rug. I couldn’t move past it. I couldn’t forget. Because honestly, I couldn’t bear the idea of my mom staying with him for the rest of her life.

Covering my mouth, I gaped at Mr. Howard, tears filling my eyes.

Surging to his feet, the counselor flailed his hands, looking panicked. “Oh, no. I did offend you, didn’t I? I’m sorry. I—”

“No.” I waved my own hands to stop him. “It’s not you. I liked hearing about my parents. I’ve only ever heard stories about them from my mother. It’s wonderful to hear from an outside source for once.”

He paused, looking suspicious, and remained standing. “Then what’s wrong?”

I gulped.

What was I going to do? I was a rule-follower. I obeyed all forms of authority. I had never before encountered a situation where the authority was clearly wrong and I had to stand up for what was right.

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