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I’m tempted to text him right away, but I can’t. I don’t want to the ‘that girl’. I want to wait until he gets here first so I can see how he feels first. I want to get a clue from him that everything will still be the same as last night. It’ll kill me if it isn’t, but I suppose it’ll be better for me to know one way or another. I’ll have to try and keep myself together for a little while later. It shouldn’t be too hard, should it?
I stare out the window again, waiting for him to arrive. I cannot wait until I hear that rumble of the bike engine, the one that sends a deep and powerful thrill right through me. My heart is racing, my nerve endings are on fire, I can’t stop myself from hoping that everything will go the way I want. There’s a happy ever after forming in my mind, and I so desperately want it to become real. I’ll even wait if I have to, as long as I know that Zane is in this just as much as I am. I need that security, after all this time, I need to not be in this alone.
***
‘Hi, Zane, it’s Leah, I got your number from Brandon’s phone, I hope that’s alright. Is everything okay?’
‘Hey, Zane, just letting you know that the clean-up is done. Brandon is a mess! I think he might need you x’
I stare at the two messages that I’ve sent today, hating myself for sounding so needy. I’m sure I wrote the number down right, I checked it a good number of times, but he hasn’t replied as yet. I’m scared that it’s me and that he doesn’t want to know me. I’m terrified that I’ve seen this all wrong.
What if I’m just another notch on his bed post? What if Zane gives all the girls the impression that they’re going to be with him? That would certainly explain why Rosa freaked out so much…
All of a sudden, I’m distracted by Brandon shouting and yelling down the stairs. He’s been sleeping on and off all day, trying to recover from his mad night but it seems that he’s finally come around. Does that mean Zane is here? Even if he hasn’t replied to me, I need to see him. I can’t stand all these unanswered questions.
I fly down the stairs with my whole body electrified. I don’t even care about looking foolish any longer, I don’t even think I’m that bothered if everyone knows about me and Zane, I just want the truth…
But it’s quickly obvious that he isn’t here which causes everything in me to sink.
“Oh my God, this is horrible,” Brandon yells, not really at Mom, but in her direction. She looks tired, like she can’t seem to get enough sleep at the moment, but she’s listening anyway. “He’s gone now, already.”
“Well, Brandon, you’ll be going off to college yourself soon anyway, so what does it matter?”
I dart my eyes between the pair of them, trying to work out what I’ve missed. There’s a lot of anger floating around them both, well mostly over Brandon’s head, and I need to know why. “There is supposed to be a goodbye, we should have a party, we should have this summer together. It shouldn’t end like this.”
Mom again tries to be overly patient. “I understand that, Brandon. I know how you feel, but you’ve done better at school than him, haven’t you? You have focused on your studies whereas he hasn’t. You have given yourself options and he has not. If he wants to get somewhere in life then this is what he needs to do.”
Brandon rolls his eyes as if my mother doesn’t understand him. I can see that he’s seething, it’s rolling off of his shoulders in waves, it almost hurts me to see. Still, my brain is too foggy to get this situation.
“You haven’t ever liked him, Mom, and that’s why you’re being this way about it. I’m upset. Can’t you see that? I just got off the phone to my best friend and he’s gone to college already. He’s done here.”
Best friend… Shit. “Do you mean Zane?” I ask desperately, clutching at my chest. “Has he gone?”
Brandon turns to see me as if for the very first time. He looks relieved to have someone that he presumes to be on his side. It’s best that he doesn’t know why I feel that way! That would kick his ass even more.
“Yes, he’s left. Can you believe it? He went last night. He said some bullshit about his father sending him away because the course that he’s doing has to start now, even before he does his high school exams. That’s mental, isn’t it? He left right after my party and didn’t even tell me that he was going.”
I feel like I’ve been gut punched. Zane must have known that he was leaving for college when he walked out of here last night and he said nothing. He lied to me and pretended that he would be back for me. He treated me like I’m spe
cial, like I meant something to him which was a lie. Everything he said to me was a lie.
I’ve been here, texting him like an idiot and he’s gone. He’s off somewhere else entirely, ready to start a brand new life while I’m left here without him, with nothing. I almost fall backwards as that really hits me.
“Oh my God,” I gush. “That’s terrible… for you Brandon. You must be really hurt.”
“It does hurt, it sucks to be honest! I’m so mad that he’s just gone and never coming back.”
Over his shoulder, Mom gives me a strange look, almost as if she suspects more, but I do what I can to ignore it. I don’t want her to be able to see how I feel, this really isn’t the time for me to deal with it. For now, I need to focus on acting like I’m not dying inside while I have to work out how the hell I’m going to get over Zane.
I really have to let him go now, I have to say goodbye. Zane doesn’t want to know, he’s made that perfectly clear, and unless I want to spend the next sixteen years of my life pining after a man that doesn’t want me. If Zane doesn’t want to know me after that wonderful night, then I don’t know what I can do. He’ll never want me now. I’m a fool for falling into bed with him. I’m simply going to join all those other girls who have fallen foolishly for Zane Morris. And there’s a big long list of them, I’m certainly not alone here.
I wipe a tear that leaks out of my eye, hating myself for feeling so emotional. I should have known that this would happen, I should have guessed this would end this way. Now I’ll never tell anyone about what happened, not even Mandi. I don’t want any embarrassment. I just want to forget about this and move on.
Chapter Twelve – Zane
Five Years Later…
Being back here is weird, really weird. It’s been five long years since I set foot in my home town and it’s odd to return. There’s the sense that I belong here and that it’s familiar, but also that I don’t anymore. I have been in California for so long that it’s almost like that’s my home now. This is the vacation for me today. I glance my eyes around in wonder, drinking it all in. it’s the same, but different, it’s mine, but it isn’t. it’s the weirdest thing to ever happen to me. I thought it would just feel normal, like this is somewhere I’ve always belonged, but I don’t really get that sense. I think I’m going to need to take some time to adjust first.
