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I don’t know how excited I am actually. Mostly I’m just nervous. I’m anxious about all of these changes that will affect my company that I’m not controlling. Maybe I did push too hard, too quickly and I created a mess of things, but that was my decision. Everything I did, I decided. Now this is all going to be controlled by everyone else. The banks are goin
g to be agreeing on what I can and can’t do, and I’m just going to have to agree on it. It sucks. I don’t like it at all. The banks don’t know about my father and all the heart that he put into it, they don’t understand why I want to keep certain aspects of it as it is. They’re just going to be heartless and do what they think will make the most money.
I hate it, but I have to go along with it.
Katy seems to sense my anxiety because she reaches forward and she touches my hand. “It will be okay. You do know that, right? You can trust me. I will make this work for you. I actually have a lot riding on it myself, you know, this isn’t all about you.”
As she lets out a laugh, I can hear the strain there. There’s something to that comment, and I need to know what it is. “You do, huh?” I ask while I lean in closer to listen to her.
“I do actually.” Her cheeks taint pink. “I’m up for partner at the law firm.”
I don’t know what that means, I don’t really speak lawyer, but I’m sure it spells out promotion. “Well that’s great news. You definitely deserve it since you are so amazing at your job. In fact, who do I need to call to put in a good word for you? Who do I need to discuss your amazing abilities with to make this partner thing happen for you?”
Katy giggles appreciatively and she tucks stray strands of hair behind her ear. “Oh well that’s really kind of you. But you can’t put in a call for me, I haven’t really done anything yet. We don’t know which way it’s going to go. I’m not saying that I’m going to fail, I’m just saying we can’t kiss any ass yet… even if I need to be made partner desperately.”
“Oh well with you in charge I do know. I’m sure you’re going to kick ass for me. In fact, I’m banking on it. And you should be a partner, you deserve it.”
She smiles at me, the sweetest grin that I’ve ever seen in my life and she thanks me. As she speaks I stare at her lips with a deep fixation. Katy has the most gorgeous mouth that I’ve ever seen. I want to kiss her. That urge keeps washing powerfully over me, almost knocking me from my seat. I don’t think this is just something I want to do because she hasn’t let me yet, I think I might really like her a lot. I think I might be developing feelings for the first person in years. I don’t know if that’s something I can ignore.
Shit, I’m a mess. What am I going to do?
Chapter Ten – Katy
I can feel something happening between me and Evan. It’s been happening all day long. Something powerful is changing between us, and I don’t know what to do about it. I could feel something underlying under the surface all morning, but we had business to distract us then. Lunch has been a different matter. We haven’t had anything else to take our focus off one another. Even when we’ve tried to talk about something else, the tension has still been there.
“Thank you for lunch,” I say with a bright smile as Evan comes back from the counter where he’s paid the waitress. “That was really nice of you. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Oh, it’s just a work meal,” he plays it off. “I can claim it as business.”
I don’t think he’s going to do that, not when the company is in so much trouble, but I let him get away with his lie because it’s much easier than challenging it when things are all strange.
“Well thank you, it’s still very nice of you.” I tug my coat around my shoulders. “Do you want to get back to the office now? We still have stuff we can do this afternoon…”
“Yeah, I suppose so.” Evan shrugs his shoulders. “I mean I need to get back to get stuff done, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. You can take the rest of the day off if you want?”
“Oh yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll take the rest of the day off,” I reply sarcastically. “I don’t know if you know many lawyers, but we never get afternoon off. Even if I’m not working with you, I’ll have to go back to my office and be buried under paper work.” The thought of how much paper I probably have piled up in my tray makes me shudder. “There’s never any down time.”
“Never? Ooh that sounds horrible. I mean, I know that I’m always at work but that’s my choice. It’s my business. Doing it for someone else would drive me mad.”
“Yeah well.” I sigh loudly. “That’s why I need to be made partner. Then things won’t be so stressful. I won’t be so busy. I might actually get something of my life back.”
Evan gives me a sidelong glance. “Are you sure that’s going to be the case? Are you certain that you’ll be less busy once you’re a partner?” he asks me observantly. “Are you sure it won’t just get a million times worse? I don’t know much about the law world, but they always seem busy.”
That’s a reality that I want to face even less than the idea of not being made a partner at all. I don’t want to get my dream, I don’t want to achieve my goal just to learn that it isn’t what I think it’s going to be. I don’t know how my fragile ego will be able to take that.
“I don’t know,” I admit for the first time, letting out fear I didn’t know was there. “I hope so, I’ve been working towards that goal with that idea in mind so I kind of really need it to work out.”
Evan walks next to me silently for a few moments, seemingly stuck in his own thoughts. I want to ask him what he’s thinking, I want to know if he knows something about the law world that I can’t see because I’m so stuck in the middle of it, but I can’t quite find the words.
“You know what, you should come and work with me for the afternoon, I think that’ll be awesome. We do have stuff that we need to get done anyway and I don’t like the idea of you stuck in an office alone, buried under paper work. I know you might think that you need to get all of that done, but I’m supposed to be your most important client, remember?”
I laugh, unable to stop myself and I nod. He’s right that I need to get to work because I have so much to do, but I can also justify my time with Evan because he is such an important client. The idea of being with him is so much more appealing than anyone else anyway. His presence, while confusing and filled with conflicting emotions, is preferable to being near anyone else. Even Grant… God I never thought that day would come. I’ve always wanted to be near Grant. This is mad.
“Sure,” I reply with a nervous gulp. “That sounds good.”
Before we can take another step, Evan spins to face me with an inquisitive look in his eyes, which causes me to stop in my tracks. We’re in the middle of the busy sidewalk with people rushing past us, but in that moment, it just feels like it’s only the two of us. The rest of the world melts away and I lose myself in his eyes. This is a moment that I could live in forever more, quite happily.
He takes a step closer with his hands outstretched and I find my body being magnetically pulled towards him as well. I have no idea what’s happening, but I do want to find out. Even if it’s wrong and we both end up in a complicated mess, I just want to know…
