AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Felicity felt more than a little adrift now that she didn’t have a schedule for the rest of the evening. It was surprising, in a way, how fast someone could get used to an unending structured schedule. Then again, she’d never really had a choice about staying busy. Since Joy’s accident, there had always been more to do when the work of the day was done. It only added up when Hope was born. Her heart squeezed. Not that she’d take back a single day of it.
She waited until she was outside Hope’s room to take in a big breath and let it out slowly.
Time.
That’s what Rafael had wanted to give her—time and space to make the decision about them on her own. That’s what she should do. She should set aside the hurt she couldn’t quite explain and think.
First things first, Felicity went back to her bedroom and wriggled out of the white dress and the white heels. It was only when she’d put on a pair of lounge pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt and gone into the bathroom to splash water on her face that she discovered she was still wearing the tiara. It was so light she had long since forgotten its weight. She pulled it out of her hair and set it on a stand next to the sink.
Did she even want to be queen? It didn’t feel good, exactly, taking off the tiara—even if Felicity knew the decorative headgear didn’t give her any title. She’d expected to feel more of a weight lifting from her shoulders, but there it was, still settled there like a heavy blanket whether she wore the tiara or not.
Felicity moved around the living area, putting toys into baskets and absently gathering together books, stacking them on the coffee table. She wasn’t packing, exactly, but there was no way she could think about this without some kind of movement.
She went back into the bedroom and took out a hanger for the white rehearsal dinner dress. It wouldn’t do to leave it sprawled on the bed like that, and she’d only worn it for a couple of hours. As she slid the dress onto the hanger, her mind flashed forward.
What about Hope? Would she wear a dress like this one day, at her own rehearsal? How was she going to feel about all this? No matter what Felicity did, Hope would be a princess. It was in her blood, and unavoidable as the sunrise.
Felicity shrugged, though there was nobody there to see her. No matter what Rafael said, would she ever really be free of all this if Hope wasn’t?
The questions swirled in her mind as she hung up the dress and put the shoes on the shelf inside her walk-in closet. There was also the question of bearing this life if she couldn’t be near Rafael. Even when she had been at her most exasperated, it had lit her up inside to see him…and to touch him.
Couples were supposed to have different periods of adjustment. But Felicity didn’t want to change herself completely to be with him. There had to be a balance, somehow. She had to have control over some aspect of her life. Things had been hard in Des Moines, that was true. The bills caused relentless stress. But palace life had its own set of stresses. How could she account for the happiness she’d found in each? Which carried more weight?
She closed the closet door. The scale in her mind tipped back and forth, swinging wildly, and Felicity wiped a hand over her eyes. This was not how she had expected the rehearsal dinner to go.
“I just don’t know,” she said into the still air. “I have no idea what to do, or where to go.” It was uncanny, how much she felt like the younger version of herself who had been newly pregnant with Hope.
“You don’t know what?”
Joy’s voice was even, but it still made Felicity jump. Her sister rolled in through the door, still wearing her blush pink dress from the rehearsal. It was the same shade as the bridesmaids dress she was set to wear at the wedding, but a different cut. The couture designers in charge of the wedding fashion had coordinated everything.
“Come on, tell me,” Joy said. “You disappeared from your own rehearsal dinner. I figured something big was up.” Her eyes scanned the room. “But I don’t hear Hope crying like she’s sick or injured, so she must be okay.”
Felicity sat down on the bed, her knees going out from beneath her. “Hope is fine.” She clutched that fact close, just like Hope had been clutching her bear. “She’s blissfully ignorant that anything is going on at all. You know, I don’t think she remembers the old apartment we had.” Felicity laughed, but it was a sad sound, even to her. “Not that I’d expect her to. She’s so little.”
Joy rolled closer and put a hand on Felicity’s knee. “Is this really about Hope? Or is this about what Rafael said to you after the two of you stepped outside?”
Felicity met her sister’s eyes. “Did he tell you?” Her stomach dropped at the thought of him making that kind of announcement at the rehearsal dinner. Not only would it destroy the illusion of a happy couple, it would create endless fodder for the tabloids.
“Of course not. I’m just observant. When your sister, the bride, gets up from the table with a resigned expression and doesn’t come back…” Joy smiled ruefully. “It was easy to put two and two together.”
“He didn’t—” Felicity swallowed a lump in her throat. “He didn’t cancel the dinner, did he?”
Joy cocked her head to the side. “Do you really think he’d do that? No.” She shook her head definitively. “Rafael came back in and said you needed a moment. I think everyone assumed it was something to do with Hope.” Joy sat up straight in her chair. “Spill it.”
“He—” Felicity’s chest went tight and hot. “He told me he couldn’t go through with the wedding…not the way things stood. He told me that he saw how trapped I felt, with all the rules, and how unhappy…”
“Unhappy? With him?” Joy’s expression was skeptical. “He can’t have meant that.”
“With the whole…production of it all.” Felicity wiped at an errant tear that had slipped from the corner of her eye. “Last week I told him the wedding didn’t really feel like mine. At the time, it seemed like he shrugged the comment off, but it looks like it must have stuck. I guess I’ve been thinking that this was going to be my life. Showing up for events that aren’t really under my control and waiting for the ones that mean something.”
“You did love the International Women’s Day stuff,” Joy agreed. “You really seemed to hit your stride at those events.”
“I did,” said Felicity. “I did. I didn’t feel so enthusiastic about today, and Rafael saw. So he gave me an out.”
“An out?”
Her hands were trembling. “He said he wouldn’t cancel the wedding, but it was up to me whether I’d show up or not. Now I don’t know what to do. I have no idea, Joy.”
