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‘So you like managing a team?’
‘As part of a project, yes. Watching their confidence grow and knowing I’ve helped that—it’s a good feeling.’ Something else they had in common, now.
They walked to the fish and chip shop and bought cod and chips, then ate them out of the cardboard box with a wooden fork while sitting on the harbour wall.
‘Remember doing this, years ago?’ he asked.
She nodded. ‘And sitting on the dunes on the beach, watching the stars come out.’
‘Star light, star bright...’ And he thought, that the wish he’d make now wasn’t achievable because the past couldn’t be changed. ‘We could do that now.’
She blinked. ‘What?’
‘Go and sit on the dunes and watch the stars,’ he said.
She was silent for long enough that he thought she was going to refuse, but then she nodded. ‘OK.’
When they’d finished their meal, they walked all the way from the harbour to the dunes. They didn’t talk on the way there but it was an easy silence, not an awkward one. Especially as their hands had brushed against each other and their fingers had ended up entwined; he didn’t want to say anything to break the spell, and he guessed it was the same for her.
And he couldn’t get that kiss from last night out of his head. Had it been a mistake? Or had it been one step closer towards changing things between them? Towards making things better?
They sat on the dunes, still holding hands, just listening to the swish of the sea and watching the sky change colour; the band of deep purple at the horizon shaded up to pink, apricot and finally to blue.
‘Look, it’s the first star.’ She pointed up to it with her free hand. ‘Though I know it’s a planet, not a star, because it doesn’t twinkle. I remember you telling me that.’
He remembered that evening, too. ‘It’s Jupiter.’
She smiled. ‘Trust you to know that.’
He gave a half-shrug. ‘I don’t see the stars much in London.’ And that was one thing he missed about Great Crowmell. Out here, they were far enough away from the town for the sky not to be so affected by the light pollution. ‘Every so often, I see news reports about sightings of the Northern Lights out here.’
‘And every time I see those reports, Ruby and I gnash our teeth,’ she said. ‘We always manage to miss them, even though I get email alerts from the university about when a sighting’s possible.’
He knew that was top of her bucket list, seeing the aurora borealis. He’d always intended to take her to the Arctic Circle, the winter after he’d finished his doctorate, so she could see them. Except life had changed unimaginably before then. The winter after he’d finished his doctorate, they’d already been divorced for a long, long time.
Trying to keep things light, he pointed out some of the constellations to her.
Even though it was summer, the night was still cool; he loosened his fingers from hers and slid his arm round her. ‘Because it’s cold,’ he said. ‘And, scientifically speaking, sharing body heat is the most efficient way of keeping warm.’
It was true, on a superficial level; but he knew it wasn’t the real reason why he’d put his arm round her. He’d wanted to be close to her. And she hadn’t moved away...
Then he looked at her. Her eyes were huge and her mouth was slightly parted.
What else could he do but kiss her, here under the stars, with the sea swishing gently in the background?
When he broke the kiss, he whispered, ‘I’m sorry. For so very much.’
‘It wasn’t all you,’ she said.
He didn’t deserve this kindness, and his heart broke a little more. ‘We were young. I handled everything badly. And I’m truly sorry I hurt you so much.’
‘Apology accepted.’
He noticed that she didn’t say it was all right. Because it wasn’t all right. The past couldn’t be changed.
But the fact she’d accepted his apology meant that perhaps they could both move on instead of being stuck.
‘You have wedding stuff to do with Ruby tomorrow,’ he said. ‘We’d better head back.’
He resisted the urge to kiss her again. Though, when he offered her his hand to help her to her feet, he didn’t let her hand go until they were outside the row of cottages.
