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As much as I want to lie in bed all day I need to be proactive. I have to try and establish a bond with my son before Nate comes home. I never thought I’d have to fight for my family, but I do and I will.
I shower quickly in the guest bathroom, which is technically mine and EJ’s and head downstairs. Ryley and Livvie are sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee. It warms me thinking they’re trying to fix things between them.
“What’s on your arms?”
EJ is sitting on the couch, his little legs bouncing up and down. He’s ready to go and have fun today. I look down at my arms, moving them around so he can see what I have.
“They’re called tattoos.”
“Can I get one?”
I laugh remembering how angry my mom was when I came home from basic training with one on my arm. I think this is one of those parental moments that I have to craft my answer carefully. If I tell him no, he’ll remember and do it anyway. Chances are he’ll get it done in some seedy shop by some half-assed artist. I tell him yes, and he wants to go get one now and somehow I don’t think Ryley would be in favor of that.
Sitting down, I take a chance and pull him onto my lap. He doesn’t fight me, and there’s a little pang of hope coursing through my body reminding me that I need to create and steal as many of these moments with him that I can.
“I bet you that we can find the special kind of little kid tattoos that your mom will allow you to have. When I got my first one, your grandma was so mad at me.”
“She was?” he looks shocked when I bring up my mom.
I nod, unable to keep the big ass grin from taking over my face. “She was so angry she threw a pillow at me.”
His little mouth drops open. “Did it hurt?”
“Nah. Don’t tell grandma this, but she throws like a baby.”
EJ starts to giggle and it’s the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard. I quickly follow suit and wish I had a camera to capture this moment.
“Do you want to frow the ball wif me?”
I stop laughing and stare at my son. He’ll never know the magnitude of his question. “I’d love to, EJ. What kind are we throwing?”
He shrugs. “I hab football, baseball and baketball.”
I fight the urge to rejoice and pull him into my arms. I don’t want to scare him so I just nod and feel the immediate loss of him when he climbs off my lap.
“Come on, Eban.”
Boy, doesn’t he know I’d follow him anywhere for these little bits of time? I stand and quickly follow him outside. When I pass Ryley she’s smiling, and I can’t resist the urge to kiss her. So I do.
“I love you. Thank you for him,” I whisper into her before heading out back to throw the ball around with my son.
“WHAT ARE YOU GOING to do?” Livvie asks. I shake my head before bringing my cup of coffee to my lips. I’m watching Evan and EJ toss the ball around in the back yard. Evan is helping him work on his stance, showing him the proper technique. To his credit, Nate has kept EJ active in sports. Whether they’re watching games on TV, attending events or playing in the backyard, Nate’s kept EJ interested. Aside from the military, sports are something the twins shared.
Earlier this morning, lying with Evan and having EJ in the middle was another image I could only project in my mind previously. Watching them outside, bonding like this, is another. It’s like someone plucked all my wishes from the past six years out of my mind and transformed them into real-life.
I’m not dumb enough to think my bubble isn’t going to burst… explode. It’s going to happen and there isn’t anything that anyone can do about it. People are going to get hurt. It’s already started with Julianne kicking Livvie out. I know Julianne is hurting and confused, we all are. But where she should be embracing the fact that her son is home, she’s not. Maybe she’s like Rask’s parents, unable to believe that the military could do something like this. I don’t want to believe that either, but there’s no other explanation.
If I were the only one affected I might have a hard time understanding where he’s been, but I’m not. His unit has been dead for years only to show up as if nothing happened. As much as it pains me to say this, I almost wish he were a POW because then we’d have closure. We’d have the answers we need to move on. Right now, all we have are assumptions and fear. Fear that if we ask too many questions, something’s going to happen to us.
“I don’t know,” I say, honestly. I don’t know what to do. I know I want to try with Evan, but also know it’s not fair to Nate. “What do you think if I ask the twins to not reenlist and we’ll move to some isolated farm land where I can have multiple husbands?”
Livvie laughs, not because it’s funny, but because of the absurdity of what I just said. Neither man would even come close to agreeing. Both are possessive in their own ways.
“I can’t believe how much EJ is like Evan,” she says now standing next to me. “I never saw it before because Ev wasn’t here, but now I do.”
“God, everything is going to be so complicated when Nate gets home. Why would people do this to us… to anyone for that matter?”
Livvie puts her hand on my shoulder. This is the first time we’ve been able to stay civil in a long time. Maybe it was her love for Evan th
