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He looked at her blankly. ‘We?’
‘Yes, we. You’re not alone with this, we’ll do it together.’
‘I need to do it, Flora. When I go back to Oslo...’ They both knew what happened then. When he went back to Oslo, she would stay here in Cluchlochry, and it would be an end to their relationship. Aksel couldn’t bring himself to rely on her.
She’d thought about this. It was far too early to say anything, but maybe it needed to be said now. Maybe they both needed to know that their relationship didn’t have to be set in stone, and that it did have a future.
‘When you go back to Oslo, there’s nothing to stop me from visiting, is there?’ Flora decided to start slowly with this.
He looked up at her. The look in his eyes told Flora that maybe she hadn’t started slowly enough.
‘I just... It seems so very arbitrary, to put an end date on this. What we have.’
‘We’ll always have it, Flora. There’s no end date on that.’
It was a nice thought. A romantic thought, which didn’t bear examination. Over time, the things they’d shared would be tarnished and forgotten.
‘That’s not what I meant. I was thinking in a more...literal sense.’ Flora’s heart began to beat fast. This wasn’t going quite the way she’d hoped, and she was beginning to dread what Aksel might say.
‘You’re thinking of coming to Norway?’
‘Well... I’m a free agent. I can come and see you, can’t I?’
This wasn’t about Mette any more. It was about Aksel’s determination to do things on his own. About hers to find someone who trusted her. It was a bright winter morning, warm and cosy inside with snow falling outside the window, but Flora could feel the chill now, instead of the heat.
He was still and silent for a moment. When he looked at her, Flora could only see the mountain man, doggedly trudging forward, whatever the cost. Whatever he left behind.
‘Do you seriously think that if you came to Norway, I’d ever let you go?’
Flora swallowed hard. That sounded like a no.
‘Okay.’ She shrugged, as if it didn’t matter to her. ‘That’s okay, I won’t come, then.’
‘Flora...’ He reached across the table, laying his hand on her arm. The sudden warmth in his eyes only made her angry and she pulled away from him.
‘I heard what you said, Aksel.’ He didn’t want her. Actually, not wanting her would have been relatively okay. Flora knew that he wanted her but that he was fighting it.
‘I didn’t mean...’ He let out a breath, frustration showing in his face. Clearly he didn’t know quite what he meant. Or maybe he did, and he wasn’t going to say it. In a moment of horrible clarity Flora knew exactly what he meant.
Aksel wouldn’t take the risk of things becoming permanent between them. She’d trusted him, and he was pushing her away now. They’d tried to be happy—and surely they both deserved it. But Aksel was going to turn his back on that and let her down.
‘Don’t worry about it. I know what you’re saying to me. That you’re in control of this, and it comes to an end when you go. Well, I’m taking control of it and it ends now. I’m going to work.’
‘Flora...’ he called after her, but Flora had already walked out of the kitchen. Pulling on her coat, she picked up Dougal’s lead, which was all she needed to do to prompt him to scrabble at the front door.
He’d made her feel him. He’d been inside her, in more ways than just physically, and she’d dared to enjoy it. Dared to want more. When he caught her up in the hallway, and she turned to look at him, she still loved him. It would always be this way with Aksel, and she had to make the break now, for her own sanity’s sake.
‘Can’t we talk about this?’
‘I think we’ve said all we need to say, haven’t we? If you see me again, just look the other way, Aksel. I don’t want to speak to you, ever again.’
She pulled open the front door, slamming it in his face. Aksel would be gone by the time she got home from work this evening, and hopefully he’d take what she’d said seriously. If they saw each other in the village, or at the clinic, she’d be looking the other way, and so should he.
* * *
He’d messed up. Big time. Aksel had been in some very tight spots, but he couldn’t remember one as terrifying and hopeless as this.
He’d spent most of the night sitting in the chair next to Mette’s bed, staring
