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The Advent candle burned on the mantelpiece. Another nineteen days to go. Aksel was sitting next to her on the sofa, and although they’d left as much space between them as possible, it still felt as if they might touch. Christmas was coming, and at the moment all that called to mind was mistletoe.
‘Tell me about your family.’ He sipped his wine, his tone lazy and relaxed now. He’d obviously forgiven her for forcing him to face the facts that he’d been so assiduously ignoring.
‘There isn’t much to tell. There’s the four of us, and we travelled so much when I was a kid that we didn’t see much of the rest of the family. Just at holiday time.’
‘Where are your parents now?’
‘They’re in Italy. Dad’s going to be retiring in a couple of years, so I’m not sure what will happen then. He always said he wanted to come back to Scotland. But my brother’s married and lives in England, and they’re trying for a child. I can’t see my mum wanting to be too far away from a new grandchild.’
‘What does your brother do?’
‘He’s a university lecturer. He fell in love with English literature when he went to Durham University, and then fell in love with his wife. The cystic fibrosis has slowed him down at times, but it’s never stopped him from doing what he wants to do.’
‘That’s a nice way of putting it. It’s what I want for Mette.’
‘She can do more than you think. One day maybe she’ll be leading you off on a trip around the world.’
The yearning in his face made Flora want to reach out and touch him. ‘I’d like that very much.’
‘My brother’s never compromised...’ Flora shrugged. ‘It’s caused its share of heartache, but we’ve faced it as a family.’
He nodded. There was never a need to over-explain with Aksel. He understood her and she understood him. That didn’t mean they necessarily had to like what the other was saying, but the connection between them meant that neither could disregard it.
‘So... You already know what frightens me. What are you afraid of?’
It was such a natural question, but one that was hard to answer. ‘I’m afraid that the in vitro fertilisation for my brother and his wife will fail. They can’t get pregnant on their own because of the cystic fibrosis. They’ll deal with it, if it happens...’
‘So that’s a fear that you can face.’ He was dissatisfied with her reply. ‘What about the ones you can’t face?’
‘I have everything I want.’ That must sound as much like an excuse to Aksel as it did to her. She had everything that she dared reach out for, and that was going to have to be enough.
‘Having everything you want sounds nice.’
‘I have a fireside, and a glass of wine. It’ll be Christmas soon...’ And Aksel was here. But however much she wanted to add him to the list, she couldn’t.
‘And...?’ He reached out, allowing the tips of his fingers to touch hers. Her gaze met his and in an exquisite moment of clarity she knew exactly what he was asking.
She wanted to but she couldn’t. Flora couldn’t bring herself to trust any man enough to give herself to him. And the froth and excitement of a no-strings affair... It seemed great from the outside. But inside, when all the longing turned into disappointment and frustration, it hurt so much more than if it had never happened.
She moved her hand away from his, and he nodded. ‘I’m sorry. I forgot all about my patient ethics for a moment.’
Flora couldn’t help smiling. ‘I thought I was the one who was supposed to be professional.’
‘Oh, and I can’t have ethics? I’m sure there’s something in the patients’ handbook about respecting your medical professional and not making a pass at them.’ He grinned, his eyes dancing with blue fire.
He acknowledged the things that she didn’t dare to. And he made it sound as if it was okay to feel something, as long as they both understood that actions didn’t automatically follow.
‘Fair point. Would it compromise your patient ethics to top up my glass?’
He chuckled. ‘I don’t think so. I’ll do it anyway.’
This was nice. Sitting in front of the fire, drinking wine. Able to voice their thoughts and allow them to slip away. It was the best kind of friendship, and one that she didn’t want to lose. Taking things any further would only mess it up.
CHAPTER EIGHT
FLORA HAD UNDERSTOOD his unspoken question, and Aksel had understood her answer. Maybe she’d also understood that in the electric warmth of her touch, he’d got a little carried away.
