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“I dunno. I can’t even remember, but afterward she looked scared.” He huffs and sits down beside me. “I fucking scared her. Again. I have to find a way to get over this shit. Kash is making his move. I’m gonna lose her, West.”
“Again? This happened before?”
He shrugs.
Okay. So I’m supposed to help Nate win Syd over Kash. Jesus fucking Christ.
I mean, I did say I’d root for him. He’s been my best friend for ages, even if Kash saved his ass.
Okay then. Think, West. What can you do?
We’re sitting in my bedroom, on the carpet with our backs to my bed, facing the open window. It’s a warm afternoon. Nate has some time before work at the gym and like he often does these days, he checked his folks were out and slipped in to see me. We’ve even sparred a few times, and even gone running once, like old times.
It feels so damn good to have him back in my life.
And now he’s looking at me like I have the answers to all the questions in the world, and the only thing I know is that I can’t let him down.
Not again. The guilt of not following him when he ran away is still fresh and itchy like a scab.
Nate lets out a deep breath and rubs at the back of his neck. “Fuck, I’m sorry. Dunno why I’m telling you this.”
“Because we’re friends?”
He shoots me a faint smile.
“I’m gonna help you,” I say.
“How?”
“Dunno yet. What about… What about trying with me?”
“Come again? Trying what?”
I forge on before my rational mind catches up and slaps me upside the head. “Pretend I’m Syd. You feel safe with me, right? You said so the other day.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
“Then let’s give it a try.”
“Wait, wait. Just one sec. What are you saying? Are you…” He’s staring at me. “You want me to kiss you?”
“It’s practice, dude. That’s all. Experimentation. See what sets you off.”
“I dunno.” He lifts both brows at me. “Trying it with you because I feel safe with you means the results of the experiment will be skewed.
“… are you fucking with me?” I growl. “So not funny, dude.”
He grins.
“The thing is, don’t you feel safe with Syd, too?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” His grin fades. “I feel safe with Kash, Syd and you. But I shoved her away when she was kissing me, man. Feeling safe isn’t enough.”
I swallow hard. He was kissing Syd when he freaked out. Do I tell him I kissed Syd, too, and that we made out, that I had my fingers inside her, that I made her come?
It feels like a betrayal of our friendship that I haven’t told him, when I’m offering to help him make out with her.
Christ, this is so fucking complicated.
