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Smoothing a fingertip over the card, I imagine I’m touching Ocean’s face, his smooth skin right over the stubble of his jaw.
I can’t help with that. Money is tight. But if it helped, I could… I could sell my car. Or something. I totally would.
For a man I’m not in love with. Not at all.
Right.
Then I turn the final card and stare.
The Lovers.
Holding hands, gazing at each other.
I don’t need to think about the meaning of this card. It’s obvious. Relationships. Decisions. Growth.
Sexual attraction. Love.
Sweeping the cards to the floor, I grab my cell and call my sis again. This is stupid. I’m scaring myself with this stuff. Why does it matter if I found The Lovers’ card in my spread?
I know better than this. Better than to choose to believe certain signs and not those I don’t like.
Or those I don’t believe.
But this is it, exactly. I don’t believe in foretelling the future. Or in luck. I only want to find signs that it’s okay to feel the way I feel.
About him.
And what way is that, Kay, huh? I ask myself as the call connects and my sister answers.
“Hello. Kay, this isn’t a good time.”
“Why?” Hey, it’s my sis, I can’t be indiscreet and obnoxious with her.
“Not in the mood, Kay.”
“And why is that?”
“Christ. I just had a fight with Brad. Happy?”
“No, I’m not frigging happy.” I mean, not really. Maybe a little? “He’s a douche. You shouldn’t be with him.”
“Oh, shut up, not again.” She sighs. “Look, I gotta go.”
“Wait.” I clutch the cell more tightly. “You were crying again.”
“No shit. We fought, Kay. What do you think?”
“Is he worth it, sis? All the heartbreak?”
“What kind of question is that? He’s my fiancé.”
“But does he also make you smile and laugh and swoon? Is he amazing in bed? Is he the best kisser? Does he… does he carry you home in his arms if you get drunk and does he touch your mouth if you burn yourself with your coffee in the morning?”
The silence that follows is so loud it’s deafening.
What the hell did I just ask? What am I really trying to figure out?
“Kay…” She swallows audibly. “This isn’t one of those romance books you’re reading. This isn’t love. Told you before. This is real life.”
