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The day goes by in a blur, as I run from class to class, and it’s all interesting and kind of stressful, but my mind is elsewhere.
All I can see is a pair of warm, dark eyes, a wicked smile, an inked body sprawled on my bed. All I can hear is his deep voice, whispering my name. And I can feel the pain of his past through the cracks that he allows to show in his armor.
Somehow it all draws me in, the combination of his strength, his gruff sexiness and the vulnerability behind the handsome façade, in ways I never thought possible. Not even sure anymore what it was I felt, or thought I felt for Fred, because it’s nowhere near as strong and deep as what I’m feeling for Seth.
My body needs him. My mind seeks him. Being away from him even for a few hours hurts.
This is crazy.
How did I ever think I wanted Fred that way? Can’t imagine it now. I liked Fred, but the thought of kissing him or touching him? Makes me feel slightly sick.
I need to come clean with Seth about what happened with Fred—what happened and what didn’t, and all these tangled feelings and thoughts.
But I’m scared. Seth probably doesn’t feel that way about me. I mean, the few times I tried telling him, showing him, he just shut down and changed the topic. Told me this doesn’t mean anything.
Jeez, Manon.
Can’t imagine kissing, touching any other guy. Being with anyone else. He was right: whenever I close my eyes, it’s him I see, him I feel.
I need to fight this attraction, these feelings. Maybe it’s all because I was lonely, and scared of the changes in my life. Because he saw me, and listened, and touched me.
What if this time isn’t real, either?
Feel like I’m going crazy. Have to do something to take my mind off Seth. So I call Cassie. She’s been texting me, although not as often as in the past. She’s wary of me, not sure where I stand.
Me neither.
We meet at a coffee shop near the university for lunch. Again she’s dressed in jogging pants, a hoodie and running shoes. With her blond hair in a tight ponytail and no make-up on, she looks unfamiliar.
Pretty, but not impressively so. Kinda sweet and childish-like, with her large blue eyes and pouty mouth.
She gives me a smile, and I smile back.
“Going running?” I nod at her choice of clothes. “I thought you weren’t working at that sports shop anymore.”
“I’m not.” She slides into the seat across from me and puts her bag down with a sigh. “Got a job at a gym downtown.”
“Nice.” I shake my head. “Why don’t you major in something related to sports or athletics if you like them so much, girl?”
I know money isn’t the problem. Her family is well off.
“Nah. Not in a hurry to decide what to do with my life. Or discussing it with my family.”
Family may be the problem, though. From the things she’s told me—few and in between—they don’t get along much. Never thought it might be a reason she hasn’t gone to college.
Maybe it’s not. Maybe taking your time to find out what you really want to do with your life isn’t a bad plan, after all. I had mine mapped out since I was twelve, and where did that take me?
Not where I thought, that’s for sure. And right now, I’m not sure that deviating from that path I’d set for myself is a bad thing. The classes are interesting, the prospects fascinating, and meeting Seth was…
Crap, no. Stop thinking about him for five minutes. Take a break.
“So, you and Fred good? Any romantic plans for the weekend?”
“Me and Fred are done.” I watch her eyes narrow. She isn’t surprised. “You knew this would happen, didn’t you?”
She shrugs. “You didn’t sound like you were really in love with him. Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I whisper. God, did everyone know before I did?
