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“So you say. I know you wouldn’t have been in bed with a broken leg for two months if you hadn’t been there with me.”
Fuck. Guess I’m not the only one beating myself up.
“I’m the one who took you out for drinks that fucking night,” I remind him. “If anything, I’m the reason all of it happened.”
But at least for Jesse it ended well. His girl found him, they talked, realized they were good and got their happy ending.
Unlike me.
Yeah, okay, stop whining, Seffers. Just fucking stop.
“How come you haven’t found a job yet?” Jesse goes on, oblivious. “Anything I can do? I could ask around.”
“That’d be great,” I mutter, wondering why my eyes feel hot. I’m really off my game these days. “Thanks, buddy.”
“Sure. And at least let me get some food into you,” Jesse mutters. “You look like roadkill.”
Yeah, I really have to look like shit for Jesse to insist so much.
“Nah, I’m good. Really. I ate late.” As lies go, it’s not a big one, and yet I feel bad for lying to Jesse, of all people. He doesn’t lie, ever. It’s a matter of principle with him. “I think I’ll turn in early tonight.”
He finally takes the hint and gets up. “Okay, sure thing. I’ll leave you to it. Just…” He rubs at the crease between his brows. “I’m here, buddy, you know that, right? For anything you need. Anything that’s been bothering you. Fuck, I won’t judge. You’re my best friend. Let me help in any way I can.”
“Gotcha, man. Thanks.”
Jeez, my eyes do that burning thing again. Need to get them looked at.
But he’s wrong. He can’t help me. He’ll turn his back when he finds out the truth, like everyone who ever did. He thinks he knows me, but he doesn’t.
See, he was saved, and when you’ve been saved, you think you can save everyone else, too. God, I wish that were true.
We do our fist-bumping, back-thumping thing, and he’s on his way, leaving me alone again in my apartment.
The apartment I can’t afford. The roof I thought was solid until the world started caving in once more.
When the doorbell rings, I open the door automatically, prepared to tell Jesse to go to hell, if that’s the only way to get rid of him tonight.
Should’ve known by now life likes to spring surprises on me just to see me jump out of my fucking skin.
“Manon?” I whisper, my voice choked. What the fuck?
“Does your offer still stand?” she asks, and that’s when I notice her eyes are red-rimmed and wet.
Oh shit.
I don’t ask what offer she’s talking about. It doesn’t matter. Whatever she needs, I’ll fucking give to her.
I haul her inside, pull her into my arms and let her cry.
***
Somehow we end up on the sofa, curled up together, my arms full of sobbing girl and my T-shirt wet with tears and snot. She’s clinging to me as if she’s drowning, and I won’t let her. I know what it’s like to hit rock-bottom, and nobody should have to do it alone.
I rock her a little, kiss her hair.
Fuck, I told myself I wouldn’t do this again, I wouldn’t set myself up for another soul-crushing disappointment by letting her inside.
Yet here I am. Stupid or not, there’s no other place in the
