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“I prefer JJ,” I say automatically, trying to get my bearings. “What the hell happened?”
“You tell me.” Her slender brows are drawn together. She looks worried. Looks like I scared the crap out of her.
Again.
“What did I do?” My throat hurts when I speak.
“You spaced out, then stumbled and almost fell. You didn’t seem to hear me.”
Fucking hell. “Sorry, Embers.”
“It’s okay. Just tell me what happened?”
Finding my feet is one thing. Finding my mental balance is another. I need to get out of this street, move as far away from the graffiti mocking me, the drawings that are etched in my mind like tattoos.
“It’s just that…” I lick my lips, try again as I push off the wall, forcing her back a step. “I need to get the fuck outta here.”
I stumble away and don’t expect her to stick by my side—why would she?—but a moment later, her arm slips around my hips, holding on.
Not that I can’t walk on my own. My head is clearing and my balance is getting better. I should tell her that. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t speak them. She feels so incredibly good pressed to my side—and yeah, maybe I’m still a bit unsteady because her scent hits me like a sledgehammer, and there I go, stumbling again.
“Careful,” she whispers, only that, and guides me back to the main street. It’s as if she understands it’s this place that’s bothering me.
It’s not until we’ve boarded the bus and are sitting side by side that she puts her hand on top of mine.
“Remember the three questions you promise to answer?” she says. “Well, here’s one: What happened back there?”
What the fuck? Of all the things she could have asked me, why this? I hate talking about this. Haven’t talked about it in years, not since I lost Helen. I thunk my head on the window pane and stare morosely at the city as it sinks into dusk.
Why did I accept to answer her questions? Me and my fucking big mouth.
Chapter Eleven
Amber
As the bus rumbles closer to home, I keep stealing glances at Jesse, who’s dozing, slumped against the window. He works a lot, though today’s the day he gets the afternoon off, which is why we agreed on going shopping. Still, he looks so tired, the dark circles under his eyes starker than ever, and the way he looked back in that alley…
Jesus. So pale and drawn, shaky. Eyes wide and unblinking, as if he’d seen a ghost. Scared me half to death.
He said I don’t need to change. That I’m fine as I am. Could he be right? That I don’t have to change for the world to accept me? That I’m not the problem? If Jesse likes me as I am…
My hand is still resting over his, its warmth reassuring. What I want is to reach up and touch his cheek, demand to know what is wrong so I can fix it. So I can see him smile again.
Don’t go there, Amber.
Ev warned me about him. Being friends—if that’s what we are—is okay. But if I fall for him, I might as well carve my heart to pieces and give it to the dogs.
Nevertheless, when we approach the stop near Damage Control, I don’t wake him up, telling myself he needs to rest. Not that I want him back in my apartment, my kitchen.
Good try, Amber.
It doesn’t matter, anyway. Too late. As we rumble close to home, I shake him lightly, and his eyes snap open. He gives me a bleary look, glances outside, and frowns.
“What’s going on?”
“Come on.” I tug on his hand, and luckily he gets up and follows me off the bus without hesitation. “Didn’t want to wake you up. Besides, we have meat pie Ev’s mom brought us, and you owe me an answer.”
Not to mention Kayla isn’t home, which gives me some breathing space.
