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“Fucker…” Zane shakes his head, his face pinched. “You’re not on drugs, are you?” He keeps his voice low, but I risk a look at my brothers, who are playing in the corner of the living room, next to the space heater. Zane and Dakota brought them a box of brightly colored Lego blocks, and the boys love them. “Cuz if you are…”
“I’m not.” I shift on the sofa, and every bone in my body hurts. “Just tired.”
Fucking embarrassing, falling asleep in the middle of a conversation.
“Maybe you need vitamins,” Zane says dubiously, his dark eyes on me. “Are you eating well?”
“Yes, Mama Zane. I buy organic produce every day, and I cook holistic meals and shit. Satisfied?”
“No, Christ, fucker, I’m not satisfied. And you haven’t answered the question.”
“What, are you gonna fucking order me to eat well now, like you ordered me not to sleep with Tessa?” Fuck, I don’t mean to snap at him like that, but damn, I can’t think straight. “What do you want, man?”
“The same as always.” Zane frowns and shoves his hands into his pant pockets, the hoops in his brow glinting. “For all my friends to be okay, to be happy.” He kicks at the carpet with his boot. “You’d think I’m asking for the fucking stars.”
I sigh, let my hands hang between my legs. “You’re doing your best, Z-man, helping all of us, and you’ve had your fair share of problems. Don’t sweat it.”
“If you’d just tell me how to help, fucker…” He falls silent when Dakota walks back inside with steaming mugs.
“I found only the instant stuff,” she says apologetically and pushes a chipped mug with a ninja turtle print into my hands. “Here you go.”
I nod and sip at the coffee, grimacing at the unexpected sweetness. Then again, if I look as bad as I feel, it makes sense she’d heap on the sugar.
Zane accepts his mug and cradles it in his hands, looking around the living room. He hasn’t been here often, and I try to see the place through his eyes.
The walls are bare, because when Dad abandoned ship a year ago I had a moment of rage and tore down everything, mainly posters and pressed flowers Mom left. The furniture is old and covered in throw rugs, because despite my best efforts to clean it the covers are stained and fraying. One leg of the coffee table has been repaired with duct tape. I can’t even remember when I did that. The curtains are grimy. The carpet filthy.
Jesus. I remember my dad’s note in the cupboard. ‘Cleanse this house.’ Maybe he’s right.
I wince, waiting for Zane to comment.
But the seconds trickle by, turning into minutes, and Zane says nothing. Slowly he steps over to me and sits beside me on the sofa, next to Dakota.
“About Tessa…” he starts, and I raise a hand to stop him.
“That’s enough.”
Moments trickle by. Zane sighs and nods.
Dakota clears her throat. “Hey, you weren’t at Tyler and Erin’s place yesterday. Did you hear the news about Ash and Audrey?”
I shake my head, then regret it when it feels like my brain rattles inside my skull. “What news?”
“Ash and Audrey are having a baby. Ash proposed to her, and she accepted.” Dakota’s big eyes are soft with emotion, and Zane is grinning. “Isn’t it great?”
“Wow.” I search for words. “That’s amazing.”
“You should have seen how happy they look.” Dakota looks down, into her steaming mug. “It was awesome.”
Asher always knew who he wanted to be with, and he fought against the odds until he convinced Audrey to be his.
I also know who I want, who I’ve always wanted. Tessa. Only I fucked up, and now it’s too late. Damn, the thought of not seeing her, not having her around is a hot blade in my gut.
“Can we do anything for you?” Dakota asks. “I could take Miles to school sometimes and babysit.”
I’m grinding my jaw, and I force myself to stop. “That would be a huge help.”
“What do you need?”
