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“I know,” he says quietly.
I fix my gaze on the far wall. “I do want this. I’ll…” I’ll what? Ditch my brothers and win the lottery? Make a wish on a falling star? “I’ll fill these out.”
“You do that, Dylan.” He taps the papers on the desk. “Your team is asking about you. What should I tell them? Are you coming back?”
I reach for the forms, and he passes them on to me. I stare at them, my mind blank. Don’t know what to reply. I really miss the team, their lame-ass jokes and ribbing. Miss playing football. Fucking miss looking forward to my future.
But ever since the moment Dad left home a year ago, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I lasted a few months, running between classes, training, work and home, until the school called to inform me they wouldn’t accept anymore the state my brothers were in—their clothes wrinkled, their homework not done.
And when one day Teo fell very sick with a fever, I cancelled everything to stay home with him, and that was the beginning of the end of it all. I dropped out of training, out of the classes. I managed to keep my job by the skin of my teeth and with a great deal of help from my neighbors.
What makes you think you can get back in the saddle now? Nothing has changed.
“We can make it work, together,” Coach West says. He rests his fist on the table, knuckles down. “I still believe in you. Just give me something to work with, some evidence of your dedication and desire to succeed. Convince me you care.”
Tessa’s image flashes in my mind again. Dammit. Seems like I have to convince everyone around me I’m not the heartless asshole I appear.
Maybe eventually I can even convince myself.
***
While waiting for the bus, I call Tessa again, to ask how she’s doing, but she doesn’t reply. I stare at my cell screen, trying not to read anything in it. Maybe she’s busy or in the shower. Maybe she’ll call me back later.
An hour later, stepping off the bus, I call once more. Still no reply.
I work my jaw, trying to release some of the tension. The chilly wind blowing down the street and right through my old jacket isn’t helping. Teeth chattering, I call Audrey’s apartment—and get Ash.
“Hey, Dylan.” He sounds cheerful enough—for Ash—and I relax a little.
“How’s everything?” I trudge down the street, and there’s a smell of burning wood on the air. “Is Tessa okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine. She’s with Audrey and Dakota. They went shopping. She needs clothes, apparently.”
He makes it sound like a crazy thing to do—but I remember how pale and scared Tessa was after encountering Sean on her doorstep. Of course she wouldn’t want to go back to get her clothes.
“Listen…” I’m approaching home, rounding the street bend. “Tell her I’ll go with her. If she wants to go back to her apartment, get her things.”
“Anyone of us can go with her, man, if that’s what she wants,” Asher mutters.
“I know. Just tell her, okay? And if there’s anything else she needs…” Dammit, Dylan. What can you offer her she doesn’t already have? “If she needs a job, I… I need a babysitter. Tell her.”
Yeah, I’m finally off my rocker. How can I afford a babysitter?
Then again, if someone looks after my bros, then maybe I can get more jobs.
As if Tessa would want to be anywhere around my brothers and me. As if she can’t find a job a thousand times better. She’s an intelligent person. She doesn’t need to look after my family for pennies.
“I’ll tell her,” Asher says, and then, “You shouldn’t have done it, man. You should have stayed away from her.”
I stumble and catch my footing in the last second before I faceplant. Fuck him. I want to tell him to shove it, but I can’t. Because that’s exactly what I told him about Audrey. To stay away from her. I don’t know if he’s throwing my words back into my face deliberately or by chance. In any case, he’s right. I should.
Only I can’t.
“You didn’t stay away from Audrey. And you’re happy.”
“Dylan…”
“What? What did Tessa tell you?”
