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A message lights up the screen of my phone on the bedside table. I pick it up. Tyler’s name blinks, and I want to hurl the phone against the wall.
I open it, instead, and sit up.
It reads, ‘You awake?’
I close my eyes. I shouldn’t reply.
Not two seconds pass before my phone beeps again. ‘Marlene isn’t my girlfriend.’
Oh God. How can I believe him? I sigh and caress the screen of my phone.
The cell beeps a third time. ‘Can we talk?’
I chew on my lip, fully awake and trembling with nervous energy. I
’m not ready. I fear I’ll take any excuse he throws at me just to be back in his arms.
The screen lights up again. ‘Erin?’
I get up and pace the length of my room. ‘Why would I want to talk?’ I type, my fingers shaking.
The seconds trickle by without a response. I close my eyes and grit my teeth. Then I glance at the window, and head back to my bed. I curl up on my side, the cell on the pillow next to my head.
It lights up suddenly, and I grab it. The text from Tyler reads, ‘Because I know what I really want.’
‘And what’s that?’ I have to retype every word twice to get it right, my hands shake so badly.
‘The brightest star.’
Chapter Fifteen
Tyler
Astride my bike, I wait for her reply as the seconds trickle by, turning into long minutes. I wait until dawn brightens the horizon.
She never answers. Never comments.
I look straight at her dark window. I see no movement inside.
There’s a strange pain in my chest, like a splinter being slowly shoved into my heart. Maybe it was foolish of me to tell her what I feel. What I want. She asked me, though, and this is my reply. Whatever the cost or the consequences.
I linger a bit longer, but I know I should go. The cops might arrest a creepy guy sitting on his bike on the street. I rev up my Ducati and consider my options.
Find my bed. Ride my bike out of town. Find a bar and drink myself stupid.
Option number two wins out. I ram the helmet on my head and ride aimlessly along the quiet road by the lakes. As day breaks, I see frost glimmer on the grass and fences. The cold is working its way into my bones, into my muscles, numbing the strange pain.
Looks like I found my answer and my goal too late. Maybe her question was meant only for me—to help me find my way, without any connection to her.
Four years. Four damn long years. Who would have waited for you?
Why did I think this was a good idea? Returning to my home town, trying to pick up where I left off. Thinking it was possible.
Enough. This isn’t cowardice. This is realizing when something isn’t working out, knowing when to step back and let Ash and Erin live their lives unburdened by me.
As the sky lightens, I know what I must do today.
Face my last demons. Clear my past. Make space for the future before I go.
