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“Only with you, though.” I still mostly lie to my siblings, and I don’t have friends to lie to. The only person I talk to, that I want to talk to, is Olivia.
“Think about it some more, okay?”
I nod and we fall silent until she lifts her head again an episode later.
“Do you know what I’ve noticed about you?” I don’t even bother saying anything. She’s going to tell me one way or another and I’d rather not guess. “There are two emotions I’ve seen you show really well.”
Stop. That’s what I want to say because this can’t be good. “Which ones?”
“Anger and remorse. I see love when your siblings are involved and a hint of kindness here and there, though you try to hide it.”
I dance my fingers along her spine. “What’s your point, Olivia?” No snappy tone, none of the anger she mentioned, just a bland bout of curiosity.
“I want to see other emotions from you. Like goofiness, humor, pride, hope, peacefulness, and happy. I really want to see a lot of happy,” she finishes quietly, glancing down at her fingers.
“Hey.” I wait for her eyes to lift. “I’m happy right now.” And I am. Lying here, sort of watching TV, and talking with her, I’m happy as I can be.
“Prove it.”
I crack a grin because happy people smile and that’s the only way to prove it. As a bonus, the smile is genuine, just for her. She smiles in return. Suddenly, she moves, stands, and runs into her bedroom.
“Where are you going?” I call out before following her. She’s in her bedroom, jotting something down. When I peer over her shoulder, I see she’s writing in a calendar. Olivia stands upright and glances down at her handwriting. “You marked it in your calendar that I smiled?” My eyebrows pull together in confusion. There’s another entry a few days before of the same thing. “Why?”
“It’s not that you smiled, it’s because you smiled and wanted to. These are your happy moments and I want to remember them, especially for the days when you need to be reminded and you’re being a jerk.” Olivia gives me a pointed look.
Unsure what to make of it, I ask a few more questions. “What do the Y’s, V’s, L’s, and O’s mean?”
“Those are the days we did yoga, played video games, you laughed, or we left the apartment to go out. More good things.”
The rest of what’s jotted down is her tutoring schedule, it seems. Hm. She literally marks it down in her calendar when I have something good happen. I flip back to January and see she’s been doing it since that night I smiled and laughed when she ran into me at the club. It’s weird, right? And maybe a little creepy?
Olivia comes to the same realization. “Oh, no. This is totally creepy, isn’t it?” She shakes her head. “Okay, this is how we’re viewing it. You refuse to see a therapist, so since I’m temporarily playing the part, these are my notes. There. Totally normal.”
I smile to keep from laughing at her. “Works for me.” I guess. Taking her hand, I lead her back to the couch and we settle in to watch more TV.
Olivia falls asleep before the season ends, but I keep watching. This show is really good. I’m not sure if it’s the kind of show I can admit out loud that I watch or not, but I’m hooked. In fact, around four in the morning, Olivia wakes up and glances between me and the TV.
“You’re still awake?”
“Yeah, be quiet,” I shush her. If she keeps talking, I might miss what happens.
A sleepy giggle escapes her. “You love this show, don’t you?”
“Ssh. Go to sleep.” I press a finger to her lips. She reaches for something on the table and the TV blinks off. “Hey,” I protest.
“You need sleep if you want my uncle to hire you.” Olivia gives me a quick kiss before settling on my chest and falling back to sleep.
OLIVIA’S UNCLE, HANK, is really friendly and humorous, but also seems like he has a reserve of seriousness that he brings out every now and then. Today is my first day on the job. Olivia sent me a message this morning, telling me good luck, and since then, I’ve been listening about safety and following Hank around like his shadow. When we break for lunch, I check my phone, not at all surprised that there’s a text waiting for me.
Olivia: How’s it going? Do you like it?
Me: Haven’t done much yet, but it’s cool.
Olivia: :D I wish we could go to eat tonight to celebrate.
Me: Why can’t we?
Olivia: Tutoring & then study group. Big test tomorrow. :/
