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Who Moved My Cheese?
Gossip Central on Page Eight. From the Desk of Vicky Durner - All the gossip you never even knew you needed to know!
Good morning Gothamites! There's a new sensation going on in the streets of our fair city recently. One that has New Yorkers from all walks of life scratching their heads. They just can't figure out what's gotten into Magnus Davion.
What am I talking about?
Mr. Bad Boy Superstar has been replaced by Mr. Rogers and the sweater vest.
Well, maybe the sweater vest is a bit too much. He's still got the ripped body and fantastic abs. And we've all seen what he's packing below the waist.
But while the city expects Magnus Davion to misbehave, what it doesn't expect is for him to turn into a pillar of society.
And when I say pillar, I'm not talking about an erect sex organ. I'm talking about an upstanding citizen.
That's right, New Yorkers. Meet Magnus Davion, savior of the city.
In the last two weeks, this ex-bad boy billionaire has been seen at three charity fundraisers. He's hosted a blood drive from his Midtown offices. He's donated coats. He's read books to orphans. He's even donated a hospital wing to Beth Israel's children's section.
This is not the same man who used
to spray ejaculate on women's faces in front of 50,000 people.
This is not the same man who crashed his car into the side of St. Patrick's Cathedral because he was too busy having fellatio performed on him by two women. Not just one, but two.
This is not the same man who left Academy Award Winning Best Actress Michele Roberts VonCannon using her Oscar acceptance speech to make a heartfelt plea to return her phone calls.
No. The Magnus Davion that New Yorkers see actually waits till the sign changes to cross the street. He stops at red lights when he's driving. He doesn't get inappropriately drunk at the worst moments. He's not causing mayhem and destruction.
Which leaves millions of New Yorkers wondering, "What gives?"
Well, my fellow citizens, if you'll permit me a moment to put on my tinfoil hat, I'll give you what I think is going on here.
Two words. Equinox Towers.
You see, my theory is that ever since Mr. Davion's little spectacle at Nailers Arena, he's come into some scrutiny by the city and state. You'll remember that this column even suggested that the city stop doing business with him entirely.
Well, guess what building is coming up for final decision on choosing the developer that will build it?
That's right. Equinox Towers.
And it makes perfect sense that this man—who is not unintelligent or slow in the slightest—will be staying on his best behavior to not piss anyone else off.
What happens though when Equinox Towers is his?
Does the old Magnus come out?
Or can we keep this one?
It's an interesting question. I much prefer the current version of the man, but who knows what will happen. Or, if he'll even get the contract at all.
I'll let you know as soon as I find out.
Until then, keep your ears to the ground, New York. I'll be listening!
Magnus
I can’t get a fucking break.
