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I hug her. "This is such a mess."
We sit in silence for a while, and my crying stops. I feel ridiculously worn out. I'm suddenly so tired.
"A crown prince, huh?" Lisa says after a while. "Does that even add up?"
I nod. "His name is Thomas Silber. It adds up. I’d read up on their royal family when I’d gone to Germany."
"That’s crazy," Lisa says. "And he didn’t tell you anything?"
I shake my head. "Nothing," I say.
Lisa nods. "Why don’t you come to bed," she
says. "It’s been rough, and it’s late. Tomorrow, everything might look different."
I nod and get up, even though I don't believe it'll look any better in the light of day. I follow Lisa to her bedroom and get into the other side of her double bed. She switches off the light. In the dark, she says, "You really loved him, didn’t you?"
I nod, even though she can't see me. "I did," I whisper. I’d loved him a little too much.
When I wake up the next morning, I don't feel any better. In fact, I feel worse. I feel like a dark cloud hangs over me. I don't want to get out of bed.
Lisa already left for work. Instead of getting up, getting food, or doing anything at all, I turn around and go back to sleep. It's the best escape there is.
When I wake up again, it's past noon, and I have to go to the bathroom. When I sit down on the couch, my phone lies on the coffee table where I put it before, still off. I switch it on. My stomach knots into a fist of nerves. I'm terrified about what I'll find. Has he sent me a million texts? Has he tried to call me all night?
One missed call flashes on my screen and nothing else. Thomas had only tried once after I had switched off my phone before giving up.
What did that say about how he feels about me? I was nervous about getting a lot of messages from him because I’d been scared about what it would do to me, emotionally. I'm angry now, because he hadn’t sent me anything. He hadn’t even tried. Maybe that Jessica had been right. Maybe he had planned on leaving me to go back to Elanda, after all.
Why wouldn’t he have told me that? I don't understand what he’d been trying to do. I don't want to believe that sex was all he was after. He hadn’t known I was a virgin, and he had carried on spending time with me and sleeping with me after he’d gotten it the first time. He hadn’t left me, then. I don't understand why he’d done that, now.
I switch on the television, desperate for a distraction. The rest of the day, I watch series reruns and stupid movies on Telemundo.
"You’re still here," Lisa says when she comes back after work at five. I nod.
"Is that okay?" I ask.
"Of course," she says, putting down her bag and sitting down on the couch. "I was just hoping you would feel better."
I shake my head. "Nope."
Lisa hesitates, like she's sure how to say what's on her mind.
"Nicole," she starts. I mute the TV and look at her.
"How serious were you about this guy?"
I groan. "Too serious, apparently. I should never have fallen for him."
Lisa shakes her head. "That’s not what I’m getting at. Don’t you think you should ask him what's going on? Hear it from him at least?"
I shake my head. "I don’t think he deserves that," I say.
"According to this Jessica woman you were talking about. But what if she was wrong? What if she was just being a jealous, vindictive bitch?"
"What are you saying?" I ask. "That I should give him another chance?"
Lisa shrugs. "I would give anything to have a shot at talking about things with Graham. He hadn’t given me that luxury, and it hurts like a bitch. You still have the chance to speak to him. Don’t you think you should at least find out what the truth is? If for no other reason than to get closure?"
