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She squeals. So loud, I wish for the silence again. My ears are literally ringing.
“Are you fucking serious?” she screeches.
“Yes! Can you believe i
t?” I shout, then immediately clear my throat. I need to calm down. “We did.”
“What happened?”
“Um...” It’s hard for me to say the words out loud.
“P into V?”
“No.”
“Mouth on P. BJ.”
I shake my head.
“Ooh, mouth on V.” Her smile is dirty, there is no other way to describe it.
“I wish,” I say on a sigh.
“Did he finger you, Ellie?” I slap my hands over my face and she bursts out laughing. “Oh my God, he did! He finger-banged you!”
“I’ve always hated that term. It’s so…crass.”
She laughs some more. “Please tell me he made you come.”
“Uh…yeah.”
“Nice! Did you give him a hand job?”
“No.”
“No?” She sounds almost alarmed.
“He said he wanted to take care of me,” I admit.
Another sigh leaves her. “He’s got a serious hero complex with you. Hayden is right. He has a thing about always rushing in to take care of you.”
“Why do you think he does that?” I ask, genuinely curious. I’ve tried to figure him out, but I’m at a loss most of the time.
“He’s put you on a pedestal. A lot of men do this. I think it’s called the Madonna whore complex? Like, he desires you, but you’re his friend and he respects you too, so in his head, he shouldn’t fuck with you,” she explains, frowning. “I’m messing this up. But I think you know what I mean.”
“I do,” I say, glancing out the window. “I don’t want him to see me as some sort of Virgin Mary he can’t touch.”
“Are you a virgin, Ellie?”
“I am.” And I’m not even embarrassed by it. I’m only eighteen. I’ve never really had a serious boyfriend before. Last night with Jackson is as far as I’ve ever taken it.
But I’m ready to do more.
“That’s a lot of responsibility for a guy like Jackson,” she says. “He seems the type to always want to play around and never commit.”
“I know. He’s afraid of commitment. His parents had a nasty divorce.” And he told me about it too. How it messed with his head. Made him realize he didn’t want to get married. He even said he doesn’t want kids.
I thought at the time he just hadn’t found the right woman yet. Like Gracie and her endless dating. But maybe he’s telling me the truth. Maybe he really has no desire to get married and have children. He wants that rock star life, where he’s free to do whatever he wants with no responsibilities.
