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‘People don’t change, Kas, they just don’t. Remember that,’ she said, shaking her head ominously.

20

5.00 p.m.

I called Dad. Mum picked up.

‘Where is Dad? I need to speak to him.’ I said.

‘Kasturi, he is down with a slight headache, darling. Call later?’ said Mum.

‘Can he just speak to me for a minute?’ I insisted. Dad never had headaches, but of late…

I heard Mum mumble something to Dad in the background. ‘He seems to be asleep...’ she said in a low whisper.

Drat!

‘Okay. Tell him I called when he wakes up.’

5.30 p.m.

There is a lot of noise in my head. I want it to clear up.

6.00 p.m.

Rajeev. Another hour and I will be sitting in front of him!

6.15 p.m.

Oh god. Why am I feeling all weird? Nerves?

6.20 p.m.

Why is my face in a perpetual frown? Is it just nerves?

6.45 p.m.

I sat still in the car, parked outside TGIF. My eyes scanned the parking lot and hands turned ice-cold when I spotted the familiar white Honda Civic. He had a) not changed cars and b) was already inside, just a few feet away from me. I almost began to hyperventilate at the mere thought.

People don’t change. Purva will remain honest and nice. Rajeev will remain the cheat that he was.

I looked at myself in the rear-view mirror, barely noticing the make-up I had spent hours putting on.

People don’t change. Purva will remain honest and nice. Rajeev will remain the cheat that he was.

I absently looked around for my purse, feeling increasingly restless. My lips felt cold too and I took in deep bursts of air. As I marvelled at how my body was reacting to the situation, it hit me – the reason why this was such a big deal.

By meeting Rajeev I knew I was crossing the Rubicon, the point of no return. I could look back but never come back. I would be pushing Purva to a corner from where I would never be able to reach him. For me he would have to cease to exist. The moment had come when I would have to choose between the two men. And for me, that was a big deal.

People don’t change. Purva will remain honest and nice. Rajeev will remain the cheat that he was.

‘I will go,’ I said, breathing out and settling the collar of my shirt. I grabbed my purse and, as I did so, the glove cupboard yanked open and something fell out.

Before I knew it, Mum and Dad singing happy birthday was gently echoing in the car. I was immobile for a minute as I stared down at the turquoise musical box that Purva had so painstakingly set right for my birthday. It now lay open, upside down. Desolate. Sad.

My brain burst into a whirlwind of emotion and noise. Pitajee’s and Padma’s words rang in my head. I continued to stare unblinking at the box, transfixed, unable to peel myself away from a force that tugged at me again and again and again.

I picked up the box, dusted off an imaginary fleck of dirt and put it on the car seat. I shut it slowly and the notes died out, leaving behind a silence that threatened to suffocate me. My cell phone beeped, jarring me out of my reverie. It was the reminder that I had set for my meeting with Rajeev.