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“Slippin’ zippers, I always get second best with you.”
Zarley straightened up and Cara reacted. “Sorry, bad choice of words.”
“But that’s the thing. I don’t want to be second best with Reid, or with any man I love enough to live with.” To have contemplated forever with. “I don’t want to be what exists in the gaps he makes when he’s not working. He’s doing what he loves most. For a while I got to be that thing and it was wonderful. I don’t want to go on like this, half resenting him for not being there for me and yet clinging because I’m too scared to step away. I don’t want to put my ordinary life on hold because his is more amazing.”
“Because you could be amazing too.”
“Because I want to be amazing and I don’t know how many chances you get at that and I’ve already blown one.” And because you only deserved approval and respect when you got things right and not before. Every coach ever. But Reid had it all out of order—and she hadn’t done anything to continue to deserve his respect.
“So do what you need to be amazing and if you think that means leaving Reid I might not need a new roommate.”
Zarley looked at the new kitchen floor. It was white and would be hard to keep clean. The new lease had a special rent break so Cara wasn’t in a hurry to find a roomie. “Maybe when you’ve gone it will be different.”
It wasn’t. Cara moved out and Zarley worked nights at Sports Pro and came home with an aching back from standing for hours. She earned a third of what she’d taken home from Lucky’s.
Reid wanted her to quit, got annoyed with her for being stubborn about paying her own way and then disappeared into work again. She could’ve told him about her idea for a new Lucky’s but she didn’t, and struggled to understand why, except that it was the last piece of herself she’d not given him.
And still they came together in the dark and loved each other as if there were no barriers between them. Until the night Zarley knew if she kept coming second, more and more of herself would disappear until she self-sabotaged any chance she had coming first for herself.
She met Reid in the living room that night, even though he’d called to say his plane was late and not to wait up. He’d not had a great day. Owen’s recovery was stalled, and Reid worried for him, he’d had an argument with Dev who made Reid anxious because their friendship was still tenuous, and the major customer he’d gone to see had spent hours complaining about technical issues that had nothing to do with Plus.
He looked tired, but he lit up when he saw her. “Damn, it’s good to see you awake.”
And right there when he smiled, dropped his bag on the floor and shrugged his coat off as he came across the room to her, she knew she couldn’t tell him with words.
He’d argue, he’d persuade, he’d make a strong case. He’d leave her with no easy way out. He’d win because he loved her exactly as she was and she didn’t understand why that wasn’t enough.
It should be enough. There was something wrong with her it wasn’t.
She stepped onto his shoes and stood on her toes. “Did you eat? I could heat—”
His arms banded around her. “I ate. I had a nap on the flight. I don’t care what’s waiting in my messages.” He glanced toward the office. He had to will himself not to care. “Looking at you makes a bad day better.”
“Imagine what kissing me can do.” She’d left a sex lesson or two off their list and tonight she’d play them out, complete his education, and take one last lunge at pleasure for herself.
He lowered his head, his voice going honey-dipped. “Rewrite the code that runs the universe.”
He kissed her as if that was the case, with a devotion that made her heart seize. Had she taught him that, or had the capacity to make her feel so loved always been in him? How was she supposed to leave a man who could relate to her body so well? With Reid she could fly in ways a sprung floor, a springboard, a vault or a pole had kept her tethered.
He walked her to the sofa, she broke away and jumped to its seat. “I don’t understand why you’re still dressed.” She was inspired. “But I’ve decided it’s because my big bad warrior boss is too tired from slaying all those corporate thugs and narcissists that he can’t even undo a button.”
Reid quirked his head. “Okaaay.”
“My big bad warrior boss needs his little secretary to help him get ready for bed.”
He laughed. “They’re called team assistants.” She reached for his shirt. A regular pale blue business shirt, the collar undone, the cuffs rolled back and tucked in his jeans. She undid the top button, taking her time as if it was microsurgery, keeping her eyes on his face. “Ah, see where you’re going with this.”
She placed a kiss at his throat and Reid’s hand came up to tangle in her hair. “My boss needs some tender loving care.”
“I like where you’re going with this.”
She undid the second button, pressing a k
iss to the underside of his jaw. He stepped closer to the sofa so more of her body grazed more of his. She undid the third and fourth buttons and slipped her hand over his pec. “My boss is the best boss in the whole wide world.”
He grunted. “There are witnesses against that.”
“Hush.” She pulled his shirt aside and dipped her head to flick her tongue over his nipple.
