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She could hug Les. “I needed to tell someone.”
“You need to tell him. No matter what you decide to do, Reece needs to be part of it.”
She closed her eyes and her lids were so heavy she felt their weight in her chest.
“Oh Audrey, why aren’t you trying to get him back? That man is pining for you and it’s hard to watch. He thinks he ruined it. He thinks he made you frightened and if you really think he’s not up to being with you and Mia, being a father to this baby, then I’ll shut my big gob, but if this is just pride, get the hell over yourself and go get him.”
She spread her hands in appeal. “How can I do that now? He didn’t ask for this.”
“You didn’t make a baby on your own.”
“It was an accident.” Though Merrill would call it a wonder. “And I know how to raise one on my own.” One, not one plus one, plus Mia. Dear God.
Les plucked at the arm of the chair. “Well, now you are being selfish. Never thought you were by having Marvellous. I might’ve followed your example if things hadn’t turned out for me, like I think they might. But if you have this baby without Reece being involved, I think that’s it for us. I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
She rested her head on her hand, elbow on the desk. She was too tired to be hurt by Les’ words. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t involve him. I haven’t shut Barrett out of Mia’s life. I won’t shut Reece out, but it’ll be formalised. I won’t expect anything from him and I’ll know where I stand.”
“He never let you down. He is not your father. And you’re going to punish him all over again.”
“I’m going to organise things so they’re best for everyone.”
“This is not work, Aud, it’s life. It gets messy. It doesn’t run on a project plan.”
“It runs best that way—fewer surprises.”
Until one shows up at your door, a man with a woman’s name, who challenged your very idea of gender roles, when that shouldn’t have been possible, a giant with a ballerina’s grace and the heart of a whole football team.
“Thank God for surprises because I would never have found Polly.”
“I’m happy for you.”
“No you’re not. You’re being a miserable bitch. What is wrong with you?”
Audrey stood, using the desk to heave herself up as though she was already toting that watermelon. She had no energy to make Les understand.
“I’m sorry you don’t approve, but I’m doing the best I can. I’ve just got this job. You can imagine how much harder it’s going to be to hold on to it when I have to take leave again.” How much leave did you need to take for twins? Would Cameron sign up for a new baby, for two?
Les stayed seated, stubbornly unmoved. “I’m not writing an agreement with Reece up for you. I can’t stand to see you throw your relationship with him away.”
“He is twenty-seven years old. I would be trapping him with a family, another man’s child.”
“How do you not get that man has, ‘trap me, Audrey’, written all over him.”
“It would be wrong.”
“Sit down. We’ll work it out. It the most right thing I’ve seen.”
Audrey sat with a thump. She put her hand over her mouth. She couldn’t do this without help. She couldn’t do this without Reece. She didn’t want to be without his love. But if she went to him now he’d think she only wanted him as a carer not a lover, as a father not as her heart’s desire.
“Oh my God. I don’t know how to get him back.”
Les deflated into the chair. “You hurt him. But he’s not going to reject you.”
“But if he only takes me back because there’s a baby, that’s not going to work.”
“Worry about that when you know it’s an issue.”
“How can it not be an issue already? Is he still at Polly’s? I could go to him now. I need to grovel so hard. I need to give him the chance to decide what to do.”
