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Even if he was no longer a stupid kid getting into trouble with the law, he still wasn’t good enough for her or for her son.
If only he’d learned how to give, rather than always take, maybe Ashley wouldn’t have been compelled to kick him out of her life. Maybe his future could have been full of love. Instead, he was staring down the barrel of such devastating loss that it felt like he’d been shot straight through the heart.
If he hadn’t promised Flynn that he would play his song for Cassie as a wedding gift, Nash would have been gone in a flash. He would’ve driven away in the van and finished building it out somewhere else. Moving on was the only thing he’d ever been good at.
But he couldn’t move on until the wedding was over. Somehow, some way, he needed to keep his distance from Ashley when they were together again in Flynn and Cassie’s garden. He couldn’t steal a kiss. Nor could he get down on bended knee and beg her to reconsider, no matter how desperate he was for her to change her mind about them.
Nash would never forgive himself if his presence in Ashley and Kevin’s life led to a custody battle. Even if Josh didn’t win—and Nash couldn’t imagine any judge on the planet giving Kevin to Josh—Nash still didn’t want Kevin to have to go through a court battle.
Kevin was a great kid. As they’d worked on the van all week, Kevin had not only been a big help, he’d been a good companion too. And all of it was down to Ashley and what a great mother she was. If Nash were in her shoes, he’d make the same choice to kick him to the curb.
That didn’t make losing both of them hurt any less, though.
On the way home, with the Sisi key chain hanging from the van’s ignition making his gut twist as it reminded him of their perfect day in Vienna, Nash picked up some Chinese takeout. But when he got back to his rental, instead of eating, he reached for his guitar.
The last time he’d played it, he’d written his first love song. For Ashley. Now, he could barely resist the urge to go stand outside her window to serenade her with the love he’d only ever felt for her.
No. He couldn’t do that. Back in Vienna, he’d promised to pay her back for her help at some point in the future. He’d never thought that leaving her would be the only way he could fulfill his promise.
Nash put the guitar down and reached for a pair of sneakers. He had to get out of here. Had to outrun all these goddamned emotions. An hour later, though his heart was racing and his body ached from sprinting through the forest, the song of love still played inside his heart.
But even if he told her how he felt, even if she knew she was the only one for him, even if she knew she’d changed him in a way he’d never thought he could be changed, it wouldn’t mean they could be together. Even if he confessed that her love had shattered all the walls he’d put up around himself, she still wouldn’t change her mind. Even if he told her that he hadn’t fallen in love with just her, but that Kevin also held a huge piece of his heart, Nash’s dark past would still be an ugly thing for people to gossip about.
From the first moment he and Ashley had put on disguises and snuck out of the Vienna hotel together, the ice surrounding Nash’s heart had begun to thaw. Being with Ashley had given him a taste of how good life could be. She’d shown him joy. And adventure. She’d taught him to risk. And to care.
And most of all, she’d given him love.
Love he’d never thought he’d be able to give back.
But he did. He loved her. He would always love her.
Even if she could never be his.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Cassie and Flynn’s wedding day dawned bright and beautiful. The sky was so blue that there wasn’t a cloud in it, a rarity for Bar Harbor. The weather had a tendency to change from sunshine to rain in the blink of an eye, but Ashley had a feeling today would remain absolutely perfect.
Years ago, Cassie had purchased a wooded property on a hundred acres fifteen minutes from downtown. The Sullivans had helped her fix up the cottage over the years, and now Cassie and Flynn were expanding it for their growing family. It was the perfect place for a wedding. The garden was in full bloom, as though the universe were intent on making it look as heavenly as possible for their special day.
Cassie had intended to design her own wedding cake, but her family had insisted that she shouldn’t turn her big day into another project. Though she loved transforming sugar into edible creations, her family wanted her to be able to focus completely on one of the most wondrous days of her life.
