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Too bad it was too damn hard to focus on her explanation when I was twisting myself into a pretzel and groaning in agony. Who thought yoga was a good idea? Jane Fonda? Yeah, well, I had a few choice words for Jane Fonda.
Our instructor, Port James’ very own Shay Kendrick helped me into downward dog and applied what she assured me was some “light pressure” to my lower back.
Light pressure, my ass.
“I’m never doing this again,” I huffed and wiped my forehead against my bare arm, my palms pressed flat to the red yoga mat beneath me.
“It’s so good for you. It’s good for the soul. You take time for yourself to breathe and reflect. I do morning yoga every day,” Simone smiled, beautiful as ever and not one drop of sweat on her. Bitch.
I glared at her. “Want to know what I’m reflecting on?”
She rolled her eyes as if my anger was completely uncalled for. “Abby, let it go. I apologized. But you need to understand that Knox is your one true love. It’s a fact. Everyone knows it, even his mom.”
His mom?
We moved into a standing position, lifting our arms high over our heads. Something in my back cracked and I had a horrible feeling I would feel that later on in the day. My ribs were finally starting to feel better and I couldn’t risk injuring myself again from doing something as simple and- supposedly- painless as yoga.
“You talked to Amy?” my tone immediately softened at the mention of Knox’s mother.
Simone seemed to notice and nodded enthusiastically. “Yup. She comes into the shop anytime there’s a holiday that involves presents. She always asks about you.”
My heart ached. Amy Fitzgerald had been like a mother to me when I was dating her son. She made me home-cooked meals and scolded me and praised me. She was truly the definition of a good mother. Always supportive, giving advice when solicited- and sometimes not- and loving me unconditionally. There were so many times when I was living in New York that I wanted to call or email her, especially after Knox’s dad passed. But I was too much of a coward to go through with it, fearing that she hated me after the way things ended between me and her only son.
I missed her, though. She was like the mother I didn’t have.
Not to say that my own mom didn’t care about me. My mother loved her children in a weird, borderline narcissistic way. She toted us around town to restaurant openings and town functions and parties. But, truthfully, I was honest enough to admit that there were times when each of us felt as though we were more props than offspring.
It wasn’t necessarily “normal”. But it was my life and I could either complain about it or appreciate the fact that I, technically, had two mothers while I was an adolescent.
“Why don’t you stop by and see her? She’s still living in the house.”
I lowered my arms, forgetting we were in the middle of a yoga class. “Knox still lives there with her, right?”
Simone shook her head.
“She lives in that big old house all alone?”
Multiple people in the class shushed me and I got back into position, shooting a few glares before turning back to Simone who said, “Yeah, Knox said she didn’t have it in her to sell the place after his dad died.”
My heart broke for Amy. Losing her husband so suddenly must have completely shattered her. I didn’t blame her for not selling the place. There were too many memories, too much familiarity.
“Wow,” was all I could manage.
“But,” Simone said and reached out, flicking me on the nose. “That’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about you and Knox getting back together.”
All at once, my irritation was back and I spent the rest of the class with a scowl on my face. I was also adult enough to admit that it wasn’t only irritation that was making me scowl. There was still an intense attraction toward Knox and it was throwing me off. I didn’t understand why, after five years, I wasn’t completely over him and the quiet way he spoke, the confident way he held himself. For so long, I told myself I was over him. But all it took was run in on the beach and I was threatening to fall down the rabbit hole again.
On our walk home I spent a good part of it discussing boundaries with Simone until she finally relented and told me she wouldn’t say anything to anyone about what we’d discussed.
“I love you,” I said as we walked arm in arm down the sidewalk. “You have my best interests at heart and I know how lucky I am to have someone that cares about me as much as you do. But I just… need you to back off a little.”
Simone nodded her head and looked around, completely undeterred. “Deal, and I’m sorry if you feel like I betrayed you in any way. I just, well, I know how much you loved him.”
“That was years ago and it’s clear that he and I are both very different now.”
Simone nodded her head and I couldn’t help but feel like I was walking into a trap. “Yes! You’re both different now, more level headed. Things could be so much better now.”
I threw my head back and groaned. The girl was absolutely relentless when it came to matters of the heart. Simone had a way with words, though. She knew how to be honest but not brutal, firm but gentle.
