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I glared at him and stood up from the bed before shoving my finger in his face. “You have a family that cares about you and you completely take it for granted. Your baby sister that you care so much about? She walked up to me, a virtual stranger, because she was so goddamn concerned about you. You don’t have the decency to tell her or anyone else what’s going on-”
“You don’t know shit about my family,” he snapped back at me.
“I know that you have one. One that actually wants to take care of you. I get that your mom might be a pain in the ass and you might not be your daddy’s favorite, and I’m so sorry that you’ve had to live with this pain for however long. But you are the one who decided to live with it alone. Wait until you’re forced to deal with it alone, Logan, and then tell me how much you regret it.”
I stormed to the bedroom door, fired up and angry. I felt terrible that Logan had to deal with such chronic pain but he didn’t realize how fortunate he was. I’d kill to have one more day with Gran, one day where I wasn’t completely and utterly alone. But I couldn’t have that because I didn't have parents who cared enough to stop partying and raise me.
I didn’t have anyone.
Mac followed me down the hall and I was halfway down the stairs when I heard my name being called followed by hard thump and crash from upstairs.
I turned and ran back up, jogging back into the bedroom to find Logan on the ground and gripping the side of his bed with one hand. He was grunting as he pulled himself up and before I knew it, I was in front of him, tucking one arm around his middle as he stood up straight, both of his knees cracking loudly. We were both silent as we sat down on the edge of the bed, my arm still wrapped around his back.
Logan’s skin was warm and smooth, and I couldn’t help but notice the way his abs flexed and relaxed with every breath he took. There was a smattering of hair that went from his navel down into the sweatpants that rode low on his narrow hips. I was fixated on it, trying my damndest not to stare even though I wondered what would happen if I kissed him right there, right above his waistband. Would his stomach clench? Would he tangle his fingers in my hair? Maybe he’d whisper my name…
“I don’t want my mother fussing over me,” he said finally and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
My eyes were drawn to the muscles that flexed in his shoulders as he lowered his head into his hands. “You can’t honestly expect to do this all by yourself for the rest of your life, though. Logan, they’ll find out eventually.”
He nodded his head and scrubbed his hands over his head. “I know, but if I tell her she’s going to keep me medicated and shove all this shit,” he gestured towards his small pharmacy of pills. “down my throat. Then she’ll try to host some fundraiser and everyone around town would know. It could affect my business. My sister would be here every day and my brother would be texting me until his fingers fall off. They’d smother me, and even though I know it’s because they love me, I just can’t do it. I can’t do that all the time, Juliette. The meds make me tired and unfocused, I can’t do that when I have a job to do.”
I couldn’t say that I understood exactly what Logan was going through. But I could understand his dedication and his passion, so maybe that was better. He was secretive and that put me on edge, but he was also going through something that I’d never fully understand. After doing some research, I saw that only one in over two thousand men in their twenties get RA. Feeling that alone and that betrayed by his own body was something that I couldn’t fully grasp, but I could imagine the suffering that he felt. I didn’t have to understand his pain in order to understand his reasoning. He was a good person, maybe a little rough around the edges and maybe a little guarded. But so was I.
I couldn’t hold back the small laugh that erupted from me and he turned his head, chocolate eyes searching my face. “Are you laughing at me?”
I shook my head vehemently and then laughed again. “No! No, I… I’m starting to realize that we have more in common than I thought. You’re not a bad guy,” I leaned to the side and bumped his shoulder with mine.
My skin warmed at the contact and when I went to straighten up he reached over and wrapped an arm around me, his forearm resting on the small of my back. He felt so warm and inviting that I couldn’t help but lean in slightly as his fingers stroked over my hip.
“I’ll make you a deal,” he said softly.
I nodded my head, feeling too breathy to speak.
“If you promise to keep this thing quiet for a while then I’ll let you know every time it’s starting to act up. I won’t deal with it alone and you won’t have to go ballistic and think I’m an addict.”
My jaw dropped and I shook my head. “I didn’t-”
“You did.” Logan laughed. “It’s fine. Really, I’m not offended. People have assumed shit like that for years. It didn’t bother me then and it doesn’t bother me now. Listen, J, I’ll tell my family eventually. I will. But things with Abby were crazy for a while and they’re just starting to calm down. I promise I’ll tell everyone when the time is right, but I’m coming to you as a friend and asking you to please not say anything.”
As a friend. I shouldn’t have been stuck on those three words, but I was. We were friends, buddies. Pals. Comrades. Truth be told, I knew it wasn’t a bad deal. He wouldn’t be alone, I’d be there to help him and care for him. And you won’t be lonely, the voice in my head said and I wanted to shake myself.
I didn’t have time to be lonely.
After a minute or two of making him wait, I reached out a hand for him to shake. His warm palm engulfed my hand and his fingers wrapped around it, shaking firmly. If his fingers slid just a little higher they’d be wrapped around my wrist and…
“Deal?” Logan asked, pulling me out of my sudden fantasy of him pinning me to the bed with his big hands wrapped around my delicate wrists.
“Deal.”
THE BLIZZARD HIT HARD. When I awoke the next morning on Logan’s couch- I spent the night even though he told me not to. I wasn’t going to leave him alone in his house during a snowstorm when he couldn’t get out of bed. What kind of friend would I be?- the sky was a light gray and the dark, almost black water was choppy and rough. The snow was so high that I couldn’t open the front door and poor Sadie was pissed when she realized she had to jump out the window to get outside and come back in. So far, fourteen inches of white fluff covered the south shore and it wasn’t going to stop until sometime tonight.
I had to admit that it was strange sleeping in another man’s house. I’d only ever done that once or twice and when morning came I was out of there like someone lit a fire under my ass. But sleeping at Logan’s and being surrounded by his scent and his possessions didn’t make me uncomfortable. It made me feel… safe. Content. Which wasn’t a feeling that I liked. I was content in my own house, but feeling that way at someone else’s riled me up. I couldn’t get used to that feeling, couldn’t get attached.
People leave, I reminded myself as I lounged on the couch, half asleep with a blanket wrapped around my bare legs. Since Logan was confined to his bed I slept in nothing more than a large t-shirt and a pair of underwear with my hair yanked up into a messy bun. Sadie slept on the floor and Mac was cuddled against my chest with his paws resting on my cheek. He truly was the cuddliest dog I’d ever come into contact with and I was enjoying every second of it.
Half asleep, I didn’t hear the creak on the stairs or the quick intake of breath. I did, however, hear Logan perfectly clear when he said, “Nice legs, J.”
I bolted upright
